HILLARY DONE IT?

Tim Russert dead today at 58. Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann better watch their backs.

Photo courtesy Getty Images

YSL

Image courtesy brightstarlights.wordpress.com

MY YSL--my fidgetygay genius designer, purportedly putting women in pants with style.

I thought Austin Scarlett from Project Runway would take the reign, but where is he? He's disappeared into the couture ether [couture esther?]...well anyway, YSL has made me what I am today. Overthehill, white-haired, ugly 40year old who wears pants everyday!

No, I shouldn't say that. I really loved him...I just wanted to pick him up and take him home, give him a sketchpad, a boa, a sequin-blind-working-lady and some Valium. Endlessly brilliant. Shockingly brilliant. Poor Pierre Berge, still secretive after all these years. From a time when gay was something respectful. Presumed and intangible. Under the couture sequins where it belonged. Now there are gay cocks all over the place, instead of in your pants where they belong.

R.I.P. YSL. Sweet dreams.

I KISSED A BOY

"It was like, have you ever had warm apple pie with cold ice cream, too? Not too many men can say [they had] a nice big lip lock with Steve Carell. The length I go, the committed actor. Jake Gyllenhaal did it. Will Smith did it. I thought it was my turn to kiss a man."

Will Smith? Don't remember that. "Don't kiss no man," Denzel told him, and he took that advice like Star Jones promptly filling a prescription after a visit to Dr. Cookie. Oh, wait, maybe Rock was thinking of Jada-Pinkett. Yeah, I was confused when I saw those biceps heading into the little girl's room, too.

And don't forget Ashton Kutcher. Not content to saliba-swap with Seann William Scott, the Kutcher's Wife does go home every night to one of Hollywood's former leading men, Demi Moore. Deep, deep lingual-lapping, which is why Demi's so horse I mean hoarse all the time.

Picture courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

SUCH MATERIALS

What is Hollywood's obsession with these bland, milk-fed maidens? (And does it have anything to do with the current obsession for grass-fed beef?) Didn't the Third Reich end in 1945? Is this Hitler's revenge? To finally conquer through the beige-and-boring? Look at that hair-to-skin color ratio.

Why she was ignored by/ pulled out of the Emmy's: "I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials."

No good materials? Bitch should start writing her own materials, let's see how far she gets.

GIVE THE BITCH A BREAK

Okay. So Bitch looks pretty good. She's lucky her ass not as butterfaced as her butterface. Bitch not trying out for "Fool's Gold 2," so give the Bitch a break.

Why come we can't break the Bitch over the real shit? Bitch can't write a poem to save her life. Bitch was a dime a dozen back in High School-- sorta pudgy, wore a lot of black, loved Siouxsie. Bitch got a real break heading the Lilith Fair-- with her talent, Bitch would be lucky to arrange the local Christmas pageant. In fucking Iowa.

Bitch keeps singing Joni Mitchell songs-- Bitch should be glad Joni not butting out her American Spirits on that Lilith-white ass.

Photo Credit Splash News.

THE COLOR OF GREEN

Color it green, Asshole got a cabbage leaf on his head.

Picture Source: Pacific Coast News

BABY WIPES

Star Magazine reports Zac Efron hates showering.

"Zac isn't a big fan of showering. It's so gross, because Zac loves to work out and plays basketball all the time — and then goes days without showering. When he gets lazy, he likes to clean himself with baby wipes!"

Shit, that's one big baby wipe he's holding. More like a Nikki Blonsky baby wipe.

James Dean didn't shower either. If Zac died now, would "American Musical 2" become the "Rebel Without a Cause" for our generation?

Don't worry girls, I'm sure he wears dress sheilds-- and you should too! It's okay if you don't, though-- just don't expect to ever be asked out by a boy. Ever. Really. They're more important than every maxi, mini, smooth plastic applicator and wad of toilet tissue you ever flushed out into the ocean.

Photo Credit: Fame

ANGIE DARK

Mocha eyes, mocha nips. We know Angie's in Europe 'cause the coffee's showing through her peep holes. Ain't no fra-crapuccino, turbinado sugar, extra-light soy milk in either pair of baby browns-- but maybe just a touch of foam.

LOVE, SYDNEY

Okay, so you loved him in Tootsie, Michael Clayton, and "Will & Grace," for Christ's sake. But we loved him in "Husbands and Wives"-- a movie proving that, even when he's dispensing with a Cocktail Waitress, he's still a class act. Remember that, George Clooney.

(Image courtesy Screenrush)

BECAUSE HE SAID SO!

Al Pacino, Diane Keaton, Robert De Niro and Robert Redford are "parodies," according to Rupert Everett.

Did he mention they were working parodies? And maybe he was thinking of Jack Nicolson and Dennis Hopper?

Okay, so we agree about Diane Keaton-- we love her, but she needs a director in fucking chaps and riding boots to whip the bitch into shape. You know those lazy asses just point the camera at her and say "Go! You know-- do your thing!" Like they do with fucking Vince Vaughn. Except Annie Hall showed she's got the fucking chops. You know Vince pops 3 Ritalins and a mickey of scotch whenever he hears "action!"

ANGIE BLACK

Girls do evil shit to themselves all the time, and Angie's out there to say it's all right. I guess it helps she's beautiful!

Entertainment Weekly: Some people can't reconcile your old persona, where you talked about knives and cutting, with your more recent identity as a mother and activist.

Angie: But again, it's not that different. The reason I talked about going through certain pains or even cutting myself is that I was already out the other side. I knew there were people that do that — and somehow are happy that somebody admitted they did and discussed how they got out of it. I don't see the point of doing an interview unless you're going to share the things you learn in life and the mistakes you make. So to admit that I'm extremely human and have done some dark things, I don't think makes me unusual or unusually dark. I think it actually is the right thing to do and I'd like to think it's the nice thing to do.

[Image by VINCENT PETERS.]

PC GONE TOO FAR

Sarah Larson: “They say that I’m a stripper. There’s a ton of stuff about that. I’ve never been a stripper. You know, just because I’m from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I’m a cocktail server, that means I’m an escort.”

Cocktail Server? Why not Imbibing Enhancer? Libation Dispensor? Social Lubricationist? You're a Cocktail Waitress bitch, own it!