SMELLY

What's that smell?

You know I really don't want to be one of those evil bloggers that say things like this because I'm no beauty queen [!!], but my Lordy there is Something About Eva that makes me wanna barf. She looks like she smells.

There are other smelly beauties in Hollywood, for sure---Cameron Diaz, Katherine Heigl, Lindsay Lohan, Julia Roberts, all the girls from The Hills [but mostly that's eau de slut], and even Charlize Theron, Amazon perfect blonde, smells sometimes. But Eva is special. I have a special little place in my nose just for her.

For Eva, makeup is actually a team of microscopic [with minerals!] photoshopping men sitting on her face torturous-ly touching her up as she just goes about her desperate day. Except for in the picture above, that was probably taken during the Makeup Artists' strike. Those guys are not paid enough.

photo courtesy Usmagazine

TWO KINDS OF CRAZY (BITCHES)

I love that scene in "Knocked Up" where the two sisters talk about going out and having fun. They grab each other and scream, "Eeee!", as though the guys writing the film couldn't think of anything for them to say.

So many pivotal parts of the movie are based on that idea, that women are irrational and don't have to explain their decisions. The entire movie is predicated on Katherine Heigl's seeming irrationality, like, Why would she want to keep this baby? Why would she want to inform the father? Why would she want to have a relationship with him? Why wouldn't she even consider having an abortion?

The anti-abortion vibe expressed by the other characters is so dated and strange. Her mother comes across as insane, cold, and brutal, suggesting only insane, cold, and brutal women would consider it. Ben's father is warm and loving and "feelgood" and suggests even mistake-babies could turn out to be the greatest gift any prospective father could have. And "abortion" can't even be voiced by Ben's friends, instead referred to as something that "rhymes with," and in a way that suggests it's a joke, not something to seriously contemplate.

The other pivotal scene is the sister's discovery of her husband's peccadillo-- a fantasy baseball league, not the secret love tryst she believes to be interrupting. You would think any normal woman would be embarrassed and chastised by her paranoia, but no, she still holds his innocent pastime as a betrayal, because, it seems, wives demand absolute transparency. Oh, what the guys have to abandon to conform to the wedded ideal!

It's almost as though the two sisters are two stages of womenhood-- Single and Married. Katherine Heigl is the beautiful loving successful woman who accepts all Ben's faults, for whom any man would give up his fantasy extracurricular activities to marry, and Leslie Mann is the ball-breaking bitch who's no longer so indulgent. They're out to trick you, guys! Once your married, everything changes!

SUCH MATERIALS

What is Hollywood's obsession with these bland, milk-fed maidens? (And does it have anything to do with the current obsession for grass-fed beef?) Didn't the Third Reich end in 1945? Is this Hitler's revenge? To finally conquer through the beige-and-boring? Look at that hair-to-skin color ratio.

Why she was ignored by/ pulled out of the Emmy's: "I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials."

No good materials? Bitch should start writing her own materials, let's see how far she gets.