UM--?

Kiss of the Spider-Woman from Outer Space? The beige Spider-Woman?

Aerial map of downtown LA with close-up of antenna?

"Hey, look at my hootchie?"

PAUL NEWMAN. . .HOTNESS DIES AT AGE 83

R.I.P. Paul Newman, missed by everyone who had 'Hud', 'Cool Hand Luke' and 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' parties and swooned endlessly in disbelief that someone that good looking could actually inhabit the same world as ugly us.

THE NEW COMEBACK

She's back! I was browsing in the cookie aisle at the corner Korean deli-- how Britney of me! --when the new instant classic "Womanizer" came on the radio. What can I say? It sounds like a computer wrote, played all the instruments, and sang it.

It's being called a comeback, but don't you have to go away first? For a long time?

McCAINIAC

McCain loves the troops-- or does he? Debatable! Or not-- according to Obama, anyway. After McCain told his personal story about loving the troops, that they know he'll take care of them, Obama basically passed the ball and said "I agree." Agrees that-- what? McCain loves the troops? In his heart, but not his policies? Obama had a big opening to attack McCain on his consistent voting record when it comes to soldiers and veterans, voting against body armor for the troops in Iraq, and against funding veteran packages for those who make it home.

Maybe Barack was afraid McCain would bring up Barack's voting against funding for the troops (as he had already done), which the Republicans use as a way of accusing the Democrats of "not taking care of the troops" (which the GOP knows something about!), when in reality, the Democrats cut funding so the only alternative would be to bring the troops home.

Or maybe Barack has learned his lesson-- the Republicans can take anything a Democrat says about the troops and twist it into a negative. Saying we've lost the Iraq war is an insult to the troops. Wanting to bring them home is saying they've failed. Now, we just have to see how "I agree" can be turned against him.

MISS CONGENIALITY. . .snicker snicker

Bob Cesca for Huffington Post:

"This foreign policy debate was supposed to be Senator McCain's strongest of the series of three. And while he was effective at being a jittery war-monger and invoking words like "Petraeus" and "Miss Congeniality" seemingly at random, he was out-commander-in-chiefed by Senator Obama. More importantly, it ought to be clear by now that Senator Obama has the temperament to be an effective chief executive.

Where Senator McCain was unserious and petulant, Senator Obama was forceful, sharp and, at times, magnanimous. Hell, Senator McCain couldn't even look Senator Obama in the eye. Not once. Instead, Senator McCain snickered and smirked during the discussion of very serious issues. Where have we seen that behavior before?"

WHAT DEBATE, CHARLIE, YOU MEAN HIS WORLDVIEW?

After Joe Biden gave his comments on the debate, Sarah chimed in with her own thoughts.

BUSH I MEAN MCCAIN VS OBAMA

This picture is great at exhibiting what was an hour and a half of Obama softly kicking McCain's old fogey ass with a smile and a friendly bi-partisan intelligence and tolerance. I haven't heard anyone mention the glaring, Bush-esque attitude of McCain: he never looked over at Obama, even though Lehrer insisted a few times that the debate was to be interactive between the candidates. Instead, McCain scowled angrily, laughed patronizingly. Is this a tactic of the GOP? To look means you're dropping your sheriff-like steely resolve? Doesn't looking into the eyes of your opponent show fearlessness? Obama got it after a while and looked over and engaged McCain. But McCain, like an angry child, was condescending ['What Obama doesn't understand...Mr. Obama is naive...'] and prick-ish, waving his Sharpie around. I think at some point he called his pen old. Did he? Did he really use the word 'old'? What a Freudian slip! Projecting through his phallic symbol what he knows and fears everyone is thinking about him, standing across from a strapping young man with actual colour in his face. And why does he use a Sharpie? Can he not see his jotted notes? Why not a feather quill, a big bottle of India Ink and a magnifying glass?
And did McCain really use the word, 'holocaust' in reference to Iran and Israel. . .
Jesus. . .inflammatory and dated and inappropriate. He forgot to mention mushroom clouds, The Bomb, and The Lemon Sisters.
It's funny that McCain never mentions the middle class and how they're necessary for the economy, to get things moving again, and he never mentions Pakistan. Obama always mentions 'Pahhhkistahn' in his high-brow way, but he's right, the Pakistan issue does have to be faced and dealt with.
Oh well, whatever, in the end it was a humourless, charm-less display by McCain. What happened to him? He seems so threatened. Never show weakness, Soldier, and when you fall from the sky, try not getting captured, that may have been your first mistake.

SPEAK NO --?

So John McCain may be pulling out of tomorrow night's debate because the economic crisis is too crucial at this moment in time-- despite the fact that Congress has already come up with an agreement that could be signed off on as soon as Saturday. So what could be McCain's reasoning?

The economy has been his sore point. He has said in the past that he doesn't know much about it, was saying up until last Tuesday that the economy is "fundamentally sound," and was asking for less regulations up until last Wednesday morning, before abruptly switching tack, calling for more regulations Wednesday afternoon, with any reference to his earlier statements. Even Bush, in his economic address last night (15 minutes of hilarity!), said Republicans hate regulations (since regulations put a cramp on all their raping, stealing and pillaging), but noted, under the circumstances, ie, "we've bankrupted the country!" -- regulations suddenly seem like a good idea.

Tomorrow night's debate is supposed to be about foreign policy-- supposedly McCain's strong suit-- so you'd think he'd be all gung ho to turn the focus back on a Republican strength, fear-mongering. So why does he still want to pull out?

1. He wants to make himself look strong on the economy, that it's somthing he takes seriously. He's even suggesting that the economic crisis is tantamount to 9/11, where leaders of both parties cam together to hash out a plan. Well, guess what? They already did, this afternoon.

Still, the specter of 9/11 is always good. If he can somehow link being tortured for 4 years with economic upheaval, he just might have a winning strategy. Perhaps he can say he was excused from the tortuous negotiations over the economic package, while his fellow senators would have to remain, and he declared until his fellow senators were allowed to go free as well, he would remain. Thus, no debate.

McCain has consistently been on the front page of the Times since his announcement, and I wonder if other papers have been doing the same. Economy + McCain - Obama complaining in background = Big PLUS for McCain!

2. He's making people think he's afraid to debate Obama, afraid the economy wil be raised, thus lowering expectations of his performance. No matter how well Obama does, McCain will appear the winner because everyone thought he would bomb.

3. I'm making a giant lasagna and having a number of guests over to watch the debate-- I've even brought more goddam chairs to fit around the tv. I specifially chose these people because they're easiest to have over with the tv on. What the hell am I going to do if it's cancelled? And why has John McCain chosen to punish me by his decision?

LESBOPHOBE

Clay Aiken is gay. Well, we already knew that, and it's an insult for HIM/HER to not acknowledge HE/SHE'S a Lesbian as well, and that kd lang's HIS/HER father/mother. Who the hell wears that hairstyle/ those rimless glasses? We're not talking Sarah Palin frames, here. HE/SHE thinks, because the lenses aren't tinted, HE/SHE can disguise HIS/HER true nature, but HE/SHE ain't foolin' no one.

DO ME DOOGIE!

This was snapped at the Emmys, no, the Crummies? --a few days ago. Does anyone watch that crap? Did Susan Lucci finally win?

The photo shows Neil Patrick Harris and his longtime companion, no, partner, no, boyfriend? Is that what they call them these days? His name is David Burtka, and if you don't know him, that's 'cause you didn't just step off a tourist bus. He's a Broadway baby, which means he's unknown outside the big apple.

We first caught him in "The Play About the Baby" by Edward Albee, actually off Broadway, down in Union Square. Edward Albee off-Broadway? Yeah well, you know, unless they're singing ABBA or you've got a washed up tv actress/ former boyband member in the cast so their fan club will make the trek from Peoria and support tourism to NYC-- it ain't gonna play on Broadway.

We saw "The Play About the Baby" numerous times, and not just because Burtka appeared naked onstage for most of the play, in the role of "boy."


Let's just say, from what I saw, Doogie must be feeling David's affections deeply.

He's shown here with another Broadway great, Marian Seldes. Maybe you remember her from her illustrious film career? She debuted in "Crime and Punishment, USA," a remake of Dostoyevsky's classic psychological masterpiece about a penniless student living in frigid St. Petersburg with Sonya, his hooker girlfriend. The student, Raskolinikov, kills a miserly lending woman for money, and is then so tortured by his actions, and his fear of getting caught, that he confesses lest he descend into madness.

Well, in "C&P, USA" (sounds like a tv series), the action is set in sunny California, Sonya is renamed Debbie, and instead of being a hooker, she's just the girl next door, and Robbie doesn't seem that tortured by his actions, he's just trying not to get caught. All while playing bongs. AND he's played by George Hamilton. It's a crime caper. Only in America, kids!

MAD WOMEN

Just want to show you how good Mad Men is. This is Christina Hendricks at the Emmy's last night looking magnificent! She's manager of the secretarial pool on the show. Her breasts alone are from another more cool era of sexiness and advertising persuasion. Madison Avenue Men jump from your windows in lusty lechery [and envy]!

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO BE

What is it with Gwyneth Paltrow? When she was going out with Brad Pitt she looked so scared and deer-headlight-like, pushed around by the press. She was cute then. Now look at her in the Tod's ad above. I just wanna kill her.

Well she has a new website called, Goop, where she enlightens us with such useful advice/affirmations, such as:

"Make your life good. Invest in what's real. Cook a meal for someone you love. Pause before reacting. Clean out your space. Read something beautiful. Treat yourself to something. Go to a city you've never been to. Learn something new. Don't be lazy. Workout and stick with it. GOOP. Make it great."

As usual, wealthy stars have no idea what its like for people like me. The website launches Thursday. I'll wait till then to not be lazy and not want to die. She doesn't mention dying, but I presume dying is not part of her lifestyle. Goop this.

THE EMMY'S HAVE SOME USE AFTER ALL

I want to thank the Television Academy for giving Don Draper [Jon Hamm] his due. . .salacious womanizer, seamy past-ridden, whiskey-swilling, Frank O'Hara-reading, my sick father-figure sex fantasy hero won an Emmy last night. Well, the show did. Mad Men. Jon Hamm didn't, though he should have. The way his face distorts as sudden manifestations of the scuzzy underside of his life or any life rears its ugly head, deserves a fucking Oscar.

BUTTER RELIEF

Buttery Swank checked into her local barber late last week complaining of a growth that was causing some discomfort. (Barbers used to be surgeons, you know.) The growth in question, her hair, was causing discomfort to another enlarged growth in her facial region, her ears. Apparently the growth (her hair) was engorged, contributing to downward pressure on those protrusive aural lobes.

The surgery was quick and simple, the bleach used to sterilize the instruments creating some relief, or lightening, to the remaining hair growth.

When the procedure was through, and asked how she felt, Ms. Swank gave a salacious toss of the head and winked at her reflection, exclaiming, "I feel so much butter, thanks!"

TOO BAD, GRANDPA

Remember when Bush tried to privatize Social Security by having everyone invest their SS accounts in the Stock Market? The big crash this week shows why that's a disaster waiting to happen-- what happens to those who need to cash out during a time like this? What happened if the market totally crashes, people lose their life savings, and have nothing to live on?

Is this where those faith-based charities pick up the pieces? You have to sit through a sermon to get some soup. Reminds me when I would go to the Krishna temple just to get a free meal, then you'd sit around with some guys in pink robes who'd try and weed out the good candidates. I might have joined, too, except for the pinhead hairstyles. All you get from the Scientologists is a stress test. Jesus Christ, I don't need to jerk off an e-meter to know I'm stressed, okay?!

To think Bush wanted to turn Medicare and Medicaid into investment-based programs as well. And to think McCain supported it all. Why is no one mentioning this? Where do these guys think all this money's going to come from? I guess that's what happens when you marry a beer heiress, and own more houses than you can count (literally!) The money just seems to come from somewhere.

ALL MY SEXY SONS

So who did we spot strolling across 3rd Avenue at 13th street in the East Village the other night, but sweet little Katie Holmes, remember, from Dawson's Creek? She was carrying an adorable alien baby up against her chest as a human shield, with a twitchy bald guy coming up her rear. The twitchy bald guy was coming up Tommy's rear later that evening.

Still, it's sloppy seconds compared to the slab of hot man love Katie shares her stage with every night at the Schoenfeld Theater. Is that why Katie needs the baby for defense? After the stage lights have gone down and the fumes of the greasepaint have calmed Katie's nerves, she can finally face the L'ilest Hitler of all waiting back at the hotel suite, ready to fling his little arms and kick his little legs in a jealous rage because it is she, and not He, that shares the same air as sexy Christian what's-his-face (above).

"Give me your hands!" he screams, rubbing her digits over his mouth and nose. "I don't smell balls!" he rages, "I told you to touch his balls! And did you get his Jockeys? Where are the Jockeys? Goddam it, what do I pay you for?"

GARBAGE EATERS

I was told people would only be interested in a post about the current financial crisis if I included a photo of Corey Haim scrounging chicken bones from a dumpster; only then would the dire repercussions of the financial meltdown be made real to our readers. I'm sorry, but I couldn't find that photo-- Corey has successfully avoided the paparazzi on his evening jaunts to the alleyways behind McTucky Fried's. Instead I found this picture of Winona Ryder scavenging leftover triple-cheese nachos, Super Slurps and buttered popcorn kernals outside Groman's Chinese Theatre. That's why there's Chinese writing behind her, okay?

I find this financial crap fascinating but can't bring myself to read about it in the papers. Back in the 90's, when people talked about the S & L (Savings and Loan) scandals, I thought they meant "SNL scandals" --like, Eddie Murphy getting caught with a tranny prostitute? So you can see why I have no idea what's going on. But it sounds BIG.

To bring myself and my readers out of our self-imposed ignorance I've asked someone who reads the papers to explain it all, which I'll try to paraphrase here. Some of the details might be wrong, so don't expect every damn detail to be perfect. This isn't the damn New York Times. Go read that if you want the whole truth.

So here's what happened-- It's well known that after the Stock Market crash in 1929, many investors, their entire life savings wiped out, were so devastated by their financial ruin, they jumped from their lofty office windows high above the streets of the financial district. What is less known is that some of them survived. My father was such a man.

No, wait, that's another story.

So, after the crash in 1929, the government put protections in place so that the same thing wouldn't happen again. The government made sure that savings banks and investing banks were separated, meaning the money in savings banks-- where most people keep their money-- could not be used to gamble on the stock market, so that people's savings would be safe if the stock market crashed again.

In the 80's, two things happened-- the savings banks complained they couldn't make any interest on people's money, so they got the government to get rid of the regulations, thinking, well, this isn’t the 1920s anymore, and our business community is more ethical now, and won’t get involved in any sketchy investments. Uh-oh, I smell trouble.

Then, to make playing the stock market more feasible for everyday people, ie, those without the money to hire personal investors or financial advisers, mutual funds were introduced, packages of stocks with a wide portfolio, meaning a little of this and a little of that, so that if one failed, another would rise, and the general trend was up. But with so many investors, there was less wealth to share and less payouts.

Banks started trading in dividends called “Derivatives” – which was not investing in concrete things like gold, or oil, or wood, but in things like mortgages. This is where it gets hard. A bank would give someone a mortgage for a house, then the bank would sell the mortgage to another investment company, so the interest collected on the mortgage became part of the mutual funds of that company.

This wasn’t a big deal when mortgage rates were 5 percent, but when mortgage rules were deregulated under the Bush administration, banks were allowed to give mortgages to people with really bad credit, and because the buyers were such high risk, would give them crazy “fine print” deals, where their interest rates for the first 5 years were really low, then would jump to like 30 percent after ten years. Since these mortgages had higher yields, they were increasingly the mortgages being bought up.

The problem—when the buyer defaulted on the mortgage (usually when their payments suddenly jumped to 6 times the former amount), the bank at least had the collateral of the house, which it could sell, if even at a loss. But the companies that bought the mortgages had nothing, meaning—what they had traded in was worthless.

Jesus Christ, I think I'm about to defenestrate. That's enough for today.

DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES

From Just Jared via Lindsay Lohan's and Samantha Ronson's myspace pages:

“I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn’t be more supportive of a woman in office, but let’s face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be… Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she’s FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land…. Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play…

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?

I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice… I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the “lipstick on a pig” comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president…

Palin’s desire to “save and convert the gays”-really??

According to this Associated Press story, the church of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is hosting a kind of conference devoted to the “conversion of Gays” — no kidding.

Here’s the AP text: ‘Gov. Sarah Palin’s church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer. You’ll be encouraged by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality,” according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child. Palin’s conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain’s candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.’

I feel it’s necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.

Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies… And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Oh, and…Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don’t pose for anymore tabloid covers, you’re not a celebrity, you’re running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!

And in the words of Pamela Anderson, “She can suck it“.

Lindsay- “I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for Obama!”

Samantha- “I love this country- however i wasn’t born here and don’t have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november…. and if you’re in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won’t get renewed!!!”

xoxo
Lindsay and Samantha“

I MISS TIM RUSSERT

He was irritating when he was interviewing people, with his endless follow up questions, his clips from shows decades earlier, his "Do you know regret the vote for the Iraq war?" question. But Jesus Christ, it would have been nice to see someone to ask, unlike Tom Brokaw this morning, just how the hell Sarah Palin's supposed "excellence" on energy policy somehow gives her foreign policy credentials.

Giuliani was on "Meet The Press" this morning spewing the same lines as McCain. I mean, does it occur to no one to say, "Okay, energy independence is feasible, but it's a long way off, and what is Sarah Palin going to do about foreign policy in the meantime?" Sarah will be giving birth to her grandchildren's offspring before the US reaches anything near energy independence.

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE DEAD AT 46

Ok. DFW is dead. He hung himself.

I just re-read Consider The Lobster and finished it last night. I loved his essays best. He could pull me into any subject, even if I didn't care about it, even tennis players! and I'd wallow in his lovely analysis, annoyed by the pages-long juicy footnotes, annoyed because to read them all and jump back to my spot was so hard, but loving it. I rarely get so engrossed in anything anymore. To take David Foster Wallace and his footnotes to bed with me. . . bliss.
I'm too shattered to write about this. Honestly. No snarky irony intended, which is what he was all about. Getting past irony. Try it it's not easy.

On writing:

The project that's worth trying is to do stuff that has some of the richness and challenge and emotional and intellectual difficulty of avant-garde literary stuff, stuff that makes the reader confront things rather than ignore them, but to do that in such a way that it's also pleasurable to read. The reader feels like someone is talking to him rather than striking a number of poses.

Read about his death here.
And here's a transcript of his 2005 Kenyon College commencement address.
And here's his essay on David Lynch that pretty much made me obsessed with DFW and contributed to my already building DL obsession, from A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, called David Lynch Keeps His Head.
Watch him on Charlie Rose here.
Great tribute in Salon here.

Now I'll get out Infinite Jest again and try to get past page 250. It's just so hard to read in bed.
Fuck.

JOHN MCCAIN SUPPORTS SEX PREDATORS

I mean, how else can you take his recent commercial? McCain accuses Obama of supporting legislation to teach "comprehensive sex education" to kindergartners, when, in reality, Obama never supported that legislation at all, and the legislation in question was actually meant to teach children to be aware of inappropriate behaviour from adults, to protect children from sexual predators. If McCain is against such legislation, does that mean he's for sexual predators?

Obama needs to get out a commercial with that line of attack, pronto.

TALKING POINTS

Favourite hockey mom? Or favourite cranky old lady? (Okay, I'm dating myself here-- and I'm expecting more than just a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.) There's a little Emily Litella in Sarah's performance, and not just because of her ignorance, and her penchant for catchy phrases.

Nevermind!

9/11/2008

EXSQUEEZEZ-MOI???

From Yahoo! News:

Jean Sarkozy, the son of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, has exchanged wedding vows with a heir to a French retailing fortune in his father's political fiefdom, west of Paris. . .Guests included Immigration Minister Brice Hortefeux and French rap star Doc Gyneco, as well as family members including President Sarkozy and his wife of seven months, model-turned-singer Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

Ooooolala!

ZAP! POW!

Sarah Palin as the new Wonder Woman? What Republican dreamer thinks that's possible? None other than Wonder Woman herself, Lynda Carter, has come out fightin' against that newest evil-do'er to hit the scene, The Lipstick'ed Pitbull:

Don’t get me started. She’s the anti-Wonder Woman. She’s judgmental and dictatorial, telling people how they’ve got to live their lives. And a superior religious self-righteousness … that’s just not what Wonder Woman is about. Hillary Clinton is a lot more like Wonder Woman than Mrs. Palin. She did it all, didn’t she?

No one has the right to dictate, particularly in this country, to force your own personal views upon the populace — religious views. I think that is suppressive, oppressive, and anti-American. We are the loyal opposition. That’s the whole point of this country: freedom of speech, personal rights, personal freedom. Nor would Wonder Woman be the person to tell people how to live their lives. Worry about your own life! Worry about your own family! Don’t be telling me what I want to do with mine.

I like John McCain. But this woman — it’s anathema to me what she stands for. I think America should be very afraid. Very afraid. Separation of church and state is the one thing the creators of the Constitution did agree on — that it wasn’t to be a religious government. People should feel free to speak their minds about religion but not dictate it or put it into law.

What I don’t understand, honestly, is how anyone can even begin to say they know the mind of God. Who do they think they are? I think that’s ridiculous. I know what God is in my life. Now I am sure that she’s not all just that. But it’s enough to me. It’s enough for me to have a visceral reaction. And it makes me mad.

People need to speak up. Doesn’t mean that I’m godless. Doesn’t mean that I am a murderer. What I hate is this demonization of everybody but one position. You’re un-American because you’re against the war. It’s such bullshit. Fear. It’s really such a finite way of thinking about God to think that your measley little mind can know the mind of God. It’s a very little God that way. I think that God’s bigger. I don’t presume to know his mind. Or her mind.

You're still a Wonder, Lynda!

KISS HIM, KISS HIM!!

Kiss your Daddy!

I know it's photoshopped but how 'incendiary' all this Sarah Palin crapola is--I've heard the words 'incendiary' and 'phenomenon' about a thousand times in the last two days. Oh, and 'sexy librarian/secretary'.
Squeal like a pig, Sarah! You know that's what you are. I've never, though, watched a pig aerial-hunt wolves. What a bitch.
They obviously created her for the movie, right? She can't be real. She makes everyone feel like they can be president. . .like, everyone.

Somebody smart said this week the only experience Sarah Palin has is that she's never had an abortion. Brilliant.

PHONY OUTRAGE

Re: Obama responds to "Phony Outrage."

Obama, referring to McCain's economic policies, said: "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

The McCain camp was outraged, suggesting that Obama was referring to that lipstick'ed pitbull, Sarah Palin, as a lipstick'ed pig.

Unfortunately, phony outrage works. Every voter in this whole damn country is outraged at every damn little thing, so who do you think they're going to respond to? The candidate tapping into that pool of hatred and resentment, or the one with the cool veneer?

Then again, Obama seems to have forgotten that phony outrage got him the nomination in the first place-- remember "fairy tale"? The Obama camp freaked out when Bill Clinton called Obama's constant opposition to the Iraq War the "biggest fairy tale." No, he didn't call Obama a fairy-- but it's true that Obama gave his anti-war speech in the most liberal neighbourhood in Chicago, when he was campaigning for the Senate, meaning, of course he had to show opposition for the war, without having to actually vote yes or no-- and voted and spoke in support of the war once he got to the Senate (until the war became incredibly unpopular).

Remember "Jesse Jackson"? Again, the Obama camp reacted with outrage when Clinton reminded us that Jesse Jackson had won the South Carolina primary when he was campaigning back in '88, but failed to win the Deomcratic nomination. The Obamaniacs accused Clinton of playing the race card-- anyone who mentions a candidate with a non-white race, it seems, is playing the race card.

Well, it worked-- blacks turned against the Clintons and toward Obama in record numbers, and now one of the most well-thought of Presidents in modern history has a tarnished record. But the phony outrage could backfire against Obama. If he wants to win, he's got to get some backbone, he's got to get that outrage back-- so why not say what everyone's thinking, and call a pig a pig? Okay, she's got some nice big puckerable lips for sucking up to the Evangelicals and the Oil Companies-- put some stick on those lips, or perhaps a spit, and let's just have a pig roast, shall we?

NAIL ON THE HEAD OF THE DAY

YOUR TWO MOMMIES

News of the World is reporting:

"A source close to the couple told me: “Lindsay is in a very happy place at the moment. She’s been having deep discussions about a baby. 'She wants a natural birth and has spoken to Sam about getting one of her ex-boyfriends to help out. They don’t want to adopt.'”

Deep discussions = Drop your pants, Jared Leto.

PULVERIZED

Per Variety:

"Darren Aronofsky drama “The Wrestler,” starring Mickey Rourke as washed out pro wrestler Randy (the Ram) Robinson, in comeback mode both on and off the screen, pinned down the Venice Film Festival’s Golden Lion.

“We need to thank Mickey Rourke for opening up his heart and soul for the camera, and reminding the world what a great talent he is,” said Aronofsky amid cheers on the Sala Grande stage."

Now that's method acting.

PRAY AWAY THE GAY THEN RUN AWAY

Oh, dear, I guess this cements it. That's Palin above with her kill. She IS a monster and not a gay-lovin' one. From Newsminer:

"Gov. Sarah Palin’s church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

“You’ll be encouraged by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality,” according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has worshipped for about six years.

Palin’s conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain’s candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, even in cases of rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples."

I've been impacted by homosexuality and I found praying does nothing to help. HaHa.
This is NOT going to attract those gays that love Hillary. What a frightening mother this woman is. . .someone rape and impregnate her gay son fast!

As Andrew Sullivan points out, now Palin is in hiding:

"Ferraro was being interviewed within four days of being announced. Dan Quayle gave an interview one day after being selected. We are now on Day Nine for Palin and are told to expect another thirteen before she's ready. This is a pitbull with lipstick? More like a cowering chihuahua. . .

The sexism that implies that someone cannot stand up to reporters because she is a woman is appalling. This entire pick, of course, is incredibly sexist, and the handling of her in the last week the most sexist double standard I have ever seen in American politics. Can you imagine Hillary Clinton saying she wasn't going to answer questions for two weeks? Or Margaret Thatcher? Or Kay Bailey Hutchison? Or Elizabeth Dole? And none of these women were ever as close to global power as Sarah Palin now is. This is getting to Manchurian Candidate levels of creepiness. It's deeply sinister and slightly terrifying."

She follows in the right footsteps. Decide then hide. Typical.

FORGET AFTER READING

There's scary John Malkovich, scary Tilda Swinton and scary Brad Pitt at the Toronto Film Festival, opening the new Coen Bros movie, Burn After Reading. According to The National Post, a boring-ness permeated the press conference:

Q: To Brad Pitt: How did you prepare for, and interpret, your role?

Pitt: "I really don't know, it's a mystery to me. I can't really say... I wasn't thinking of anyone else for inspiration... It was just this idea of assuming or presuming a certain situation would go the way it goes and not understanding any other possibilities."

In short — He read the part, he memorized it, he showed up on set and did it.

Hmmm. Sounds good.

I'm not a big Coen Bros fan. . .their movies are great but I find they have no life outside the movie theatre. I never remember any of it. And that seems to me the most superficial test. They're technically smart and compelling to watch, or funny if that's what they're going for, but it never lasts. They lack soul, as though sociopaths or psychopaths are directing, which I guess is better than murder. No Country For Old Men, the book, haunted me for weeks but the movie? Fantastic. Gripping. Disturbing. Remember that scene? NO.

And it seems even Brad doesn't remember anything about his part or the movie he's promoting. The idea of him trying to be funny is dispiriting because his movie-star-I'm-a-lucky-bastard-you-will-never-be-me-ness seeps through. That's not the stuff of comedy. Same goes for George Clooney and Tilda Swinton. And what happened to her anyway? She was so alien-cool before, from another planet, but now she seems to be following Clooney around, living the high-life. How distasteful---I know she has her secret film festival in Scotland, very noble. She lost her Jarmen-strangeness/ambiguity. She's too happy now. Yuck.

Anyhoo, here's the HILARIOUS trailer:

PITBULL PALIN

We here at Peephole love our pitbulls. So Sarah Palin thinks a hockey mom is a pitbull in lipstick?

As pitbull owners, we can assure you, with or without lipstick, most pitbulls are sweet and loving, but need to be kept on a short leash, under your complete control and command at all times.

Arf!

PALIN DRONE

Okay, so her speech was pretty good. But "electrifying"? It's hard not to be great amongst that drone of also-rans who preceded her-- Romney's dull non-sequitors, Huckabee's folskiness, Giuliani's smug and self-congratulatory vitriol. Giuliani seemed to be sucking up every damn thunderous clap, the whole crowd went wild at his denunciations, showing just how desperate the Republicans are-- a gay rights, abortion, and cross-dressing New Yorker would get a hero's welcome. He flings the epithet "cosmopolitan" at Obama as though Rudy himself weren't from the most cosmopolitan and most out-of-touch corner of America, Noo Yawk. Rudy was rigid and close-minded as a mayor, so I guess he can be counted amongst the rigid and close-minded majority.

But Sarah Palin was mayor of a place that has fewer residents than a typical Manhattan highrise. She's been governor for less than 2 years. The crap about her family has been flung for the past feverish week. So what did she have to do last night? Appear confident. A big task, considering she's suddenly a candidate for President-- oh come on, you know John McCain has got lockjaw or something, must've stepped on a rusty nail back in 'Nam.

I thought she was great. Didn't talk too fast-- many pregnant pauses. I was scared I might be starting to like her. I thought, "yeah, good for you, don't talk about all that crap in the papers and web! Ignore it!" But then she pulled out the Down's baby. Shit, if that kid wasn't damaged before last night, he would've gotten shaken-baby syndrome, he was passed like a hot potato to whoever was in the camera's lens, from Cindy to the husband to the daughter-- who seems to have learned hair-care from Wolfowitz, the spit-in-the-hand trick to batten down any flyaway locks.

Palin's message-- "leave my family alone-- I have a Down's baby!" All that crap about taking care of families with Special Needs kids is such crap, you know a McCain-Palin administration would say, "go to your local church, I'm sure they'll be glad to help you!"

GIULIANI TIME

I take it back-- Cindy McCain isn't Nosferatu, as Nosferatu has just taken the stage

(ALMOST) LIVE BLOGGING THE CONVENTION

Mitt Romney

-- strange he mentions the predatory mortgage lending, but doesn't mention it was the Bush administration that allowed such practices

Mitt wants Al Gore to give up his private jet, but will he give up his own?

Huckabee--

looks like he's been resting on his donuts.

Oh, he's still charming. Can mention his own presidential aspirations without sounding sourgrapes.

"Tackier than a costume change at a Madonna concert" ?? Does Madonna use tacks to keep up her moobies?

"A government that gives everything to people, can take everything away from those people." Why do the Republicans think the Democrats want to establish "1984" when it was the Republicans that began surveillance on American citizens?

"I had to get to college before I learned it's not supposed to hurt when you take a shower." Um-- I'm getting some prison rape images here.

"Palin got more votes running for Mayor of Wasilla than Joe Bidden got running for President." So, what, the number of votes you receive is somehow an example of your experience?

MORE WHAT?

For this issue only, the magazine has a new surtitle-- "(For The Girl With Something) MORE."

CINDY MCCAIN IS THE DEVIL

Or a vampire. Doesn't she look like Nosferatu? Big ears and hair the same colour as her head, she might as well be bald. She used to have nails like that, but they give her too much trouble when she's changing Johnny's diapers.