YOU BITCH'A

Okay, so we hate her or love her, but her ability to seriously fuck with the country and the world has been voted down, so can't we just let Sarah go? Last night, Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow devoted too much time and too much parsing to further kick everyone's favourite "you bitch'a."

Back in Alaska, she gave a press conference to address the crap people have been saying. Who cares about the goddam clothes? Do we really need to have a helicopter feed, a la OJ, showing the RNC arriving at the Governor's mansion to pick up the wardrobe from Macy's? And do they really want Todd's silk boxers back? Then again, I'm sure they could make a bundle selling them on bay. As long as they were worn during one of his 3-day Zamboni races.

Todd Heisler/The New York Times

POST MORTEM

Okay, so it was a pretty dull night, not a lot of nail biting, and it's sad to see the whole thing over, But I was happy with the result-- yes, I came to love Obama! Michelle too, but not all of us here at PeepHole can say the same. Some bitches are so threatened.

But-- what that hell was she wearing last night? Black dress with red splotch and shiny cummerbund? And what about Jill? Someone should have told her the event called for black dress-- she stuck out like a giant sore lime.

Sad to see those other bitches, Cindy and Sarah, relegated to the scrap heap. Cindy will no doubt to continue to scare small children even outside the Hallowe'en season, and Sarah will run off with Joe the Plumber so he can help lay that giant pipe across Alaska.

BOO

Women are scary! That's why you see so many frat boys dressed as women at Hallowe'en. I'm surprised we don't see more guys dressed up as vaginas, bloody tampons, or positive pregnancy tests. Hallowe'en is all about the taboo shit, and if you can be it, you dispel it's power. That's why you see so many frat boys wearing big afros too. Oooo, scary!

Well fellas, whatever happens next Tuesday, the blacks or the women are taking over. According to the voters of rural Pennsylvania and Ohio, if Obama is elected president, we'll all be forced to become black. So guys, get your afro wigs out, because after Tuesday you'll be shot if you're not a bro'.

Alternatively, we could have Sarah Palin as the holder of the nuclear codes. OOOhhh, eeekkk, aaahhhh!

BARACK FOR PRESIDENT

Okay, so we're still waiting for Angelina's endorsement, but we got the New York Times, so I think we can safely say that Peephole supports Barack Obama for President. Additionally, we support Sarah Palin's view in Peephole, I mean People Magazine, that she:

can always go home again and just be Mom and be perfectly happy and fulfilled with the blessings that God has given [them]. And with a great marriage and great parents and siblings and children, [she] could today go home and just be Mom.

Everybody wins!

We apologize to those in states like Ohio, Texas, and Florida that have early voting. If you voted before you saw our endorsement, and mistakenly voted for the wrong candidate, please go to your local Acorn registration center where you can sign up to vote again. You should probably sign up to vote twice, so as to cancel out your earlier vote for McCain.

We must admit there is one regret in casting our lot with Obama-- remember how dull the campaign became when Hillary dropped from the race? Just imagine the dreariness of 8 years of happiness, prosperity, and well-wishes from the other nations of the world; 8 years without Cindy McCain and her hair pulled back so tight her scalp is screaming; 8 years without Sarah and her brood of Trig and Trog and Brig and Willow, and Todd and his new sidekick Levi, riding shotgun (ha! get it?), as they embark on their cross-country Zamboni races.

We're left with the boring dullness of the non-flashy, non-trashy Obamas and Bidens. At least we still have a financial meltdown to look forward to-- and that of course means more Barney Frank! So cheers to Barney, hoping he maintains the freakish colour we've come to expect from our elected officials!

BRISTOL-PACKIN' MOMMA

People magazine interview Sarah Palin.

The article is titled "My Wedding Hope for Bristol," which should be subtitled 'I hope there'll be a wedding.' I guess it all depends on you voters on November 4th! Free Levi! You know IF Sarah loses she'll be pesona non grata in the Republican Party, she'll go back to her igloo-castle up in the hinterlands, and no one will care whether Levi and Bristol get married. Don't ruin their lives forever! Vote Democratic!

You know you're in shit when PeepHole, I mean People Magazine starts grilling you. But she asked for it-- did she really need to say she was a voracious reader, or agree she's an intellectual? How many voracious readers do you know who can't tell you what they're reading? Well, to be fair, after being pressed, she mentions one book, "The Looming Tower," and from the title I was sure it was one of those "Left Behind" pieces of crap, you know, like where everyone goes to Alaska before the rapture?

Some other interesting stuff-- she doesn't seem to care that Levi is dropping out of school, noting a lot of "successful" families are headed by guys with GEDs. She also says she's not against sex ed to prevent unwanted pregnancies, although "abstinence" is preferable.

They also call their new, um, autistic baby "Uncle Trig." It's all in the family.

$150,000 FORCLOTHESURE

Dispossession, repossession, foreclosure---Neiman Marcus evicted the devil from Sarah Palin and it only cost $150,000.
Now, she is denying it:

"That whole thing is just, bad!" she said. "Oh, if people only knew how frugal we are. I think Hillary Clinton was held to a different standard in her primary race," Palin said. "Do you remember the conversations that took place about her, say superficial things that they don't talk about with men, her wardrobe and her hairstyles, all of that? That's a bit of that double standard."

How true. Women are treated so differently than men! I know where to go for my feminism. Sarah and Hillary have so much in common breaking through that Crystal Cathedral ceiling like Sisters, Sisters, Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister, caring, sharing every little thing that we are wearing. When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome, she wore the dress and I stayed home...

PRETTY PRETTY?

Sarah Palin's makeup stylist had the biggest salary of all McCain's employees in the first two weeks of October: $22,800.

Maybe she had to style Tina Fey's hair too? You know the McCain campaign loves that Tina Fey shit-- they're making the most ignorant and dangerous woman in the world seem like something you can laugh off!

Photo: Michael Appleton for the New York Times

GREEN DUCK BILLS

Hard to see it all-- but he's got a gun, is drinking a Bud, and his shirt says "Palin for VP : guns, god, and glory". Her shirt says, "Read my lipstick, vote McCain-Palin." Her shoes say, "tip me over and fuck me!"

I saw some McCain supporters across from the Port Authority in Midtown New York the other night at around 7:30. The location seemed perfect-- they were trying to hit the silver-haired set out for their Broadways shows, then they simply had to cross the street for their bus back to Red Neck, New Jersey or Older White Plains, New York. They looked as you'd imagine-- middle-aged women done up like newscasters with their blond bubble hairdos and too much makeup, and young Asian students with snarky faces. There were about 10 of then, which should correspond to the vote tally for McCain-Palin in NYC.

And look at those two up there. Coupl'a grossos from "The Hills." Look how posed he is, holding that beer like a straight guy holding another guy's dick. "Oh, this is-- new." Holding the book like he's Versace holding his fan. Look at her-- you might think she's puckering, but that's her new face. It's the latest surgery, a duck bill added to her equine jaw.

So natural, so in love, so caught off guard! New Republicans, this is your new look-- strike a pose, do everything to pretend you actually like yourself and like your life and like your candidates. Everyone fall in line!

Photo: Pacifac Coast News

IF YOU QUACK LIKE WHITE TRASH. . .

I know. I know it's obvious people feel this way but I'm 'Outraged!'.

Still, I do like to get other points of view. It's so refreshing to learn how the other half live. I just hope they're not a half + 1, if you know what I mean.

JOE THE PLUMBER

Joe the Plumber was probably fucking his receptionist in a trailer somewhere, completely unaware he was the obvious star of last night's debate. As the New York Times noted, McCain threw everything he could at Obama, including the kitchen sink and the plumber.

Joe the Plumber has a business worth more than a quarter of a million dollars a year, so I'm not sure I feel that bad. How many employees does he need? Someone to wipe, someone to flush?

Joe the Plumber will turn out all right-- but what about Rosie the Riveter? McCain made a very distinctive choice, when talking about Supreme Court Justices, to suggest he wouldn't have a litmus test, except that he would only appoint justices who agreed with McCain that Roe vs. Wade was a badly decided decision and should be overturned. Duh! Isn't that the supreme litmus test? Shout-out to the evangelicals!

AW, SHUCKS

Camille Paglia is nuts. From Salon:

And where is all that lurid sexual fantasy coming from? When I watch Sarah Palin, I don't think sex -- I think Amazon warrior! I admire her competitive spirit and her exuberant vitality, which borders on the supernormal. The question that keeps popping up for me is whether Palin, who was born in Idaho, could possibly be part Native American (as we know her husband is), which sometimes seems suggested by her strong facial contours. I have felt that same extraordinary energy and hyper-alertness billowing out from other women with Native American ancestry -- including two overpowering celebrity icons with whom I have worked.

One of the most idiotic allegations batting around out there among urban media insiders is that Palin is "dumb." Are they kidding? What level of stupidity is now par for the course in those musty circles? (The value of Ivy League degrees, like sub-prime mortgages, has certainly been plummeting. As a Yale Ph.D., I have a perfect right to my scorn.) People who can't see how smart Palin is are trapped in their own narrow parochialism -- the tedious, hackneyed forms of their upper-middle-class syntax and vocabulary.

and

Even if she disappears from the scene forever after a McCain defeat, Palin will still have made an enormous and lasting contribution to feminism. As I said in my last column, Palin has made the biggest step forward in reshaping the persona of female authority since Madonna danced her dominatrix way through the shattered puritan barricades of the feminist establishment. In 1990, in a highly controversial New York Times op-ed that attacked old-guard feminist ideology, I declared that "Madonna is the future of feminism" -- a prophecy that was ridiculed at the time but that turned out to be quite true. Madonna put pro-sex feminism on the international map.

But it is now 18 years later -- the span of an entire generation. The instabilities and diminishments for young women raised in an increasingly shallow media environment have become all too obvious. I had grown up in a vibrant pop culture with glorious women stars of voluptuous sensuality -- above all Elizabeth Taylor, sewn into that silky white slip as the vixen Manhattan call girl of "Butterfield 8."

I agree. If I hadn't seen 'Butterfield 8', I wouldn't be the wearing the slip I'm wearing today.

Camille is so transparent. She only likes the girls she wants to fuck. If you're pretty and you crave attention and you're a woman, you rule! She's like my insane friend who screams "Queen!" in a movie theatre whenever her favourite actresses appear on screen. Screen scream queen-- say that 3 times fast!

I guess Katie Couric is too demure and eyelash-batting, she's not frenetic enough to get Camille's favour. Oh, I mean, she's a viper, no explanation necessary! I guess I'll have to search through all my Camille backlogs to find where she tells us-- or maybe it's in one of her controversial and provocative best-selling books, or one of her award-winning and culturally-prescient articles?

About Palin's syntax-- well, I agree with breaking grammar rules or using the local vernacular, but there's also breaking grammar rules and using vernacular in a way you can understand. I have another friend (yes, SO many friends!) who just talks and talks to fill up air, the way Sarah does.

But she's my friend, and she's not explaining the course our friendship will take over the next four years, the way she'll be using the money she collects from me, the improvements she'll be making to my environment (including a fabulous conversation piece in my living room, the staircase to nowhere), as well as how she means to take care of me when I'm sick or when I retire. Maybe then I'd sit up and pay attention, parse her conversation style for obfuscations, raise my eyebrows when I detect she's laying on the bullshit-- just as we should do with Sarah Palin.

RUN FOR YOUR USELESS LIVES

Did somebody just yell 'Terrorist' after McCain asks who the real Barack Obama is? I saw his face sort of fall there for a second. Or not fall but turn wry. He heard it. He knows how distasteful this has all become and what he's become, namely, an old, [sorry but his old-ness seems inescapable at this point; his face seems more and more like paper everyday] shapeless, haphazard Rove/Bush sequel or spin-off. I think so. I see flashes of unease, disappointment when he looks at Palin, just a general undercurrent of self-hatred. I feel it. I know it. If you think you hate yourself during that job interview where your sycophantic, dripping whore-ass is extolling all your fake virtues for a job you don't want and where if there were a butcher knife gleaming in the fluorescent on the conference table between you and the interviewer and her list of questions and a copy of your resume that she hasn't read and your empty folder you keep in front of you to look like there may be some forthcoming documents that would prove said virtues, and where you'd want to grab that knife and plunge it into your chest just to regain some kind of quiet dignity, just imagine how McCain feels right about now. The longest job interview in the world. Quiet dignity. He was said to have it when his father the Admiral pushed to get him out of that POW camp and McCain was said to have refused it because there were others there before him and they deserved to be released first---imagine that! Well, that's all over. It's the end of that kind of dignity. Or any dignity. I just realized that. How startling that is. Shame, humiliation, dignity; it's all over for us.

On Monday, McCain rolled out a new TV ad, "Dangerous," that accuses Obama of being "dishonorable." "Who is Barack Obama?" a narrator ominously asks. "He says our troops in Afghanistan are 'just air-raiding villages and killing civilians.' How dishonorable. Of course what Obama meant was that an over-reliance on air strikes -- due in part to a shortage of ground troops -- is causing a tragic and strategically counterproductive level of civilian casualties."


Just end this already. End the pain.

Thanks to Salon for quote.

SENSING A PATTERN-- THE END OF THE WORLD?

There was a story on NPR the other day about the brain's propensity to look for patterns, even when there aren't any. If you're feeling out of control in your life, your brain will look for patterns everywhere, even see faces in static. Conspiracy theories seem to sprout up over the most devastating and baffling events in life-- JFK, AIDS, 9/11, Katrina. When the events of the world are so beyond your control, you look for something to explain it all.

With the current economic meltdown, with the DOW dropping another 700 points just moments ago, or the insane proposal that Sarah Palin, another gun's-blaring, don't blink, don't think, don't prepare, god-is-my-co-pilot'er could possibly be half a heartbeat away from control of the nuclear codes, Frank Rich, in his New York Times article piece this weekends, seems to suggest Palin is a modern day Manchurian Candidate, installed in the VP slot with the intention she'll go on to the Presidency because the striking omissions in McCain's medical records are similar to the blank spots in the Watergate tapes. Is McCain just another tantrum away from death? Is his melanoma more likely to return than previously suggested? Will the October surprise not be that McCain drops Palin from the ticket, but that they switch positions, with Palin at the top?

Or is that just my brain looking for a pattern?

BECAUSE THEY SAY IT SO WELL

From Bob Herbert:

In her closing remarks at the vice-presidential debate Thursday night, Ms. Palin referred earnestly, if loosely, to a quote from Ronald Reagan. He had warned that if Americans weren’t vigilant in protecting their freedom, they would find themselves spending their “sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was like in America when men were free.”

What Ms. Palin didn’t say was that the menace to freedom that Reagan was talking about was Medicare. As the historian Robert Dallek has pointed out, Reagan “saw Medicare as the advance wave of socialism, which would ‘invade every area of freedom in this country.’ ”

Does Ms. Palin agree with that Looney Tunes notion? Or was this just another case of the aw-shucks, darn-right, I’m-just-a-hockey-mom governor of Alaska mouthing something completely devoid of meaning?

From Gail Collins:

The people boosting Palin’s triumph were not celebrating because she demonstrated that she is qualified to be president if something ever happened to John McCain. They were cheering her success in covering up her lack of knowledge about the things she would have to deal with if she wound up running the country.

Photo: AP

UM, DEBATE? IN WHAT ASPECT?

"Can I call you Joe?"

Why was her microphone turned on? I've seen dozens of debates where the candidates come out and greet each other onstage, and never heard one greeting so loudly and clearly broadcast. Did she turn her microphone up to 11? Do candidates usually just mouth the word "hello"? Why didn't we hear what Joe said? Maybe he ignored her, which is why she did not call him Joe in the entire debate, and went on to ignore everything he said.

Amazing. She declared she wasn't going to answer any questions asked by moderator Gwen Ifill or Joe if she didn't feel like it. She could not respond to Joe's assertions that McCain, as a proponent of deregulation, helped us get into this economic mess. Instead, "I just got to get back to this tax thing." Same old stupid fear-mongering, that the Democrats are going to raise your taxes, and some stupid "voodoo economics" to explain the untrue assertion Obama will raise taxes on those making $42,000 a year instead of the $250,000. Just ignore the questions, ignore the facts, push through what you want to stress, and the voters will hear that. Usually works, but will it this time?

Palin's strategy-- or tactic? --came back to bite her in the end, though. Whether it was a tactic-- or a strategy-- that Joe brought up the death of his wife and child when he first entered the Senate, he spoke about it in a way that seemed real and relevant. He reversed the claim that Sarah's "real-life" experience is a qualification for the office she seeks. He's been a single father caring for children after the death of his wife and child, thinking the second child might not make it, all while starting his new job as Senator.

That he went on and thrived casts Sarah's experience-- as the mother of a special needs child cared for by her stay-at-home husband and the Governor's mansion staff--into a different light. That Sarah, in her response to Joe's story, could not even bring a single word of sympathy, so determined was she to not listen, to get across the points she wants to make-- gives you an idea of the meaning of a "compassionate Conservative."

TAKE IT OFF!

Here's the cover of Alaska magazine, which presumably even Sarah Palin reads. But when asked by Katie Couric, Sarah couldn't name a single publication she reads to stay abreast of current affairs.

Maybe it's true, like the guys on MSNBC have been trumpeting, that the McCain campaign is all about distraction. So while everyone was gasping and guffawing over Sarah Palin's performance in her interview with Couric, which made it to Saturday Night Live, the real comedy show-- of McCain, within the span of a few days, pronouncing the economy sound, then unsound; of being against regulations, then for them-- was totally ignored. Why wasn't it fodder for late night?

McCain's latest embarrassment, suspending his campaign to pass an emergency economic bill-- but not getting it passed, and resuming his non-suspended campaign-- has not gone unnoticed by the pundits. Uh-oh, time for distraction. What will they have Sarah do next? I'm thinking she'll arrive onstage for Thursday night's debate sliding down a stripper pole. Oh that Sarah, she's just like the rest of us!

WHAT DEBATE, CHARLIE, YOU MEAN HIS WORLDVIEW?

After Joe Biden gave his comments on the debate, Sarah chimed in with her own thoughts.

LESBOPHOBE

Clay Aiken is gay. Well, we already knew that, and it's an insult for HIM/HER to not acknowledge HE/SHE'S a Lesbian as well, and that kd lang's HIS/HER father/mother. Who the hell wears that hairstyle/ those rimless glasses? We're not talking Sarah Palin frames, here. HE/SHE thinks, because the lenses aren't tinted, HE/SHE can disguise HIS/HER true nature, but HE/SHE ain't foolin' no one.

DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES

From Just Jared via Lindsay Lohan's and Samantha Ronson's myspace pages:

“I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn’t be more supportive of a woman in office, but let’s face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be… Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she’s FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land…. Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play…

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?

I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice… I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the “lipstick on a pig” comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president…

Palin’s desire to “save and convert the gays”-really??

According to this Associated Press story, the church of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is hosting a kind of conference devoted to the “conversion of Gays” — no kidding.

Here’s the AP text: ‘Gov. Sarah Palin’s church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer. You’ll be encouraged by the power of God’s love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality,” according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child. Palin’s conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain’s candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.’

I feel it’s necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.

Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies… And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Oh, and…Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don’t pose for anymore tabloid covers, you’re not a celebrity, you’re running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!

And in the words of Pamela Anderson, “She can suck it“.

Lindsay- “I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for Obama!”

Samantha- “I love this country- however i wasn’t born here and don’t have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november…. and if you’re in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won’t get renewed!!!”

xoxo
Lindsay and Samantha“

I MISS TIM RUSSERT

He was irritating when he was interviewing people, with his endless follow up questions, his clips from shows decades earlier, his "Do you know regret the vote for the Iraq war?" question. But Jesus Christ, it would have been nice to see someone to ask, unlike Tom Brokaw this morning, just how the hell Sarah Palin's supposed "excellence" on energy policy somehow gives her foreign policy credentials.

Giuliani was on "Meet The Press" this morning spewing the same lines as McCain. I mean, does it occur to no one to say, "Okay, energy independence is feasible, but it's a long way off, and what is Sarah Palin going to do about foreign policy in the meantime?" Sarah will be giving birth to her grandchildren's offspring before the US reaches anything near energy independence.