Angie, Maddox, Pax and Zahara in NYC today. In town for "Changeling" premiere.
Apparently, the free balloons could not entice the tykes in to get haircuts. Or is that just the balloon handler? Wait, I'm confusing them with Suri, who has a 24-hour barley-handler and a traveling hair salon to keep her always-perfect locks. Locks? It's a trap, kids. The haircut, as we know from Katie, is Tom's key to keeping her under lock and-- well, you know.
Free Suri! I won't know she's free until she's got a head full of dreadlocks with a giant skunk-streak down the front.
Love Zahara's velvet pants, though. And the Mary-Janes.
So who did we spot strolling across 3rd Avenue at 13th street in the East Village the other night, but sweet little Katie Holmes, remember, from Dawson's Creek? She was carrying an adorable alien baby up against her chest as a human shield, with a twitchy bald guy coming up her rear. The twitchy bald guy was coming up Tommy's rear later that evening.
Still, it's sloppy seconds compared to the slab of hot man love Katie shares her stage with every night at the Schoenfeld Theater. Is that why Katie needs the baby for defense? After the stage lights have gone down and the fumes of the greasepaint have calmed Katie's nerves, she can finally face the L'ilest Hitler of all waiting back at the hotel suite, ready to fling his little arms and kick his little legs in a jealous rage because it is she, and not He, that shares the same air as sexy Christian what's-his-face (above).
"Give me your hands!" he screams, rubbing her digits over his mouth and nose. "I don't smell balls!" he rages, "I told you to touch his balls! And did you get his Jockeys? Where are the Jockeys? Goddam it, what do I pay you for?"
Okay, so the Scientology video of Tom "Cruised-me-in-the-men's-room" is definitely high on the kookoo-meter, but we all know his career freefall started well before that. I can't stop watching this video because it so perfectly epitomizes a time, a place, the forces of phony good against the forces of bad phoniness.
If only those two had canceled each other out, Crash would not have won best picture, Hillary would be the nominee, and poor Katie wouldn't have to keep changing her hairdo to deal with her depression at having kissed a prince that became the evil muppet troll-frog.
If you saw "Dark Knight" you know this is not a pile of money, and if you're not living with Bin Laden in a cave somewhere you know the Batman movie makes this much money per second. Did Katie Holmes pull out of the comic book sequel to make this movie? It was called "Mad Money" in case you blinked, or you're not a middle-aged single gal who was so desperate for the "Sex in the City" movie you saw any movie that had more than one chick in the credits.
Okay, we know the reason-- Katie's only allowed to love one man who secretly wears a leather codpiece, and she can't make more money or be more successful than l'il hubbie. But Jesus Christ.
Now, I'm not one of those people who slags Katie because she's been chained to the stove by her midget-impresario-with-a-moptop, but whatever the reason, I'm glad she pulled out. Maggie Gyllenhaal-- now there's a bitch can go toe-to-toe with Batbutch. Whether she's striding in and out of the courtroom, the interrogation room, staring down the Joker or watching the clock tick down strapped to 100s of barrels of flammable oil, bitch got presence. She's no little girl. In "Batman Begins," Katie looked like she stumbled into the courtroom during "bring your daughter to work" day.
Oh yeah, Heath is good too. But you knew that already.
Katie Holmes was "unable to reprise her part" of BM's girlfriend in the Batman sequel The Dark Knight. "Unable," code for "Tom won't be compared to anyone wearing a black leather codpiece. And bat-nipples." Just to be careful, Tommy-Love is stashing his latex jockstraps in the safe.
Maggie Gyllenhaal was chosen instead. Apparently there were rumours Maggie had made "unkind remarks about Holmes' performance."
Gyllenhaal denies the remarks, but thought she should get Holmes' blessing anyway, by email-- then decided, having such kind thoughts about Katie's acting, that he would have to make the character "a whole new woman." Hmm, a woman who can act better? You can read the full story here. I don't want to get on the "bash Katie Holmes" bandwagon. Jesus Christ, the girl's made a pact with the she-devil, give her a break. But she did look like "I'm a big girl now!" in her role as the assistant district attorney. Maggie looks like someone who's actually been around-- you know, had a real baby, has a real husband, isn't shoved in a cryogenic tube when she gets home.
Besides, the producers would either have to spend a fortune on hair extensions for Katie, or otherwise explain her else hairstyle-- is she now a villainess? "Cleopatra Cruise" or "The Flapper!"
Angie, Maddox, Pax and Zahara in NYC today. In town for "Changeling" premiere.
