DUCK, LAME PRESIDENT, DUCK!

Bush and the art of dodging reporters.

RIFT BETWEEN DICK, BUSH, COLON AND BOWELL

Say t'aint so! A gaping rift between the Dick and Bush from the Colon Bowell?

Colin Powell has formally endorsed Democratic nominee Barack Obama this morning on "Meet the Press." Powell, of course, was part of the Bush administration as Secretary of State, and along with Condoleeza Rice, the saner half that contrasted with the overwhelming influence of VP Cheney, Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld and Deputy Secretary Wolfowitz, all of whom pushed for the war in Iraq.

Although Powell eventually fell in line with the administration, and even presented the "evidence" of Saddam's accruing Weapons of Mass Destruction at the UN, the Iraq War was not executed in a manner in line with the Powell doctrine, which dictates we should have broad international support, our objective and exit strategy should be clear, all other, non-violent options have been exhausted, and that the risks and costs have been fully outlined.

Although never publicly admitting it, several sources claim that Powell was enraged by the scant evidence he was asked to present, including the now-infamous "16 words" about Saddam attempting to accrue yellow cake from Niger. Even before the evidence was presented, it had been discredited, because the letterhead was from the office of an official out of Nigerian political life for 20 years.

As the war raged on, and Powell found his influence increasingly diminished, he resigned at the end of Bush's first term (he was most likely asked to do so), to be replaced by National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice. It was only after the Democrats swept the Congressional and Senate elections in 2006 that Rumsfeld, as the scapegoat for the increasingly unpopular war, was forced to resign, allowing the saner, more diplomatic views of Powell, through Condi Rice, to be implemented, such as a bigger push for influence in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Now in public life, Powell is taking his first, tepid steps towards rebuking his former boss. His criticisms show the fracturing of the Republican party from the nutso, heavy-handed neocons, and the pragmatists, who evoke the Republicans of old, before the partisanship, before the "either with us or against us" of the Bush Doctrine, whether against other countries, or his own countrymen.

TOO BAD, GRANDPA

Remember when Bush tried to privatize Social Security by having everyone invest their SS accounts in the Stock Market? The big crash this week shows why that's a disaster waiting to happen-- what happens to those who need to cash out during a time like this? What happened if the market totally crashes, people lose their life savings, and have nothing to live on?

Is this where those faith-based charities pick up the pieces? You have to sit through a sermon to get some soup. Reminds me when I would go to the Krishna temple just to get a free meal, then you'd sit around with some guys in pink robes who'd try and weed out the good candidates. I might have joined, too, except for the pinhead hairstyles. All you get from the Scientologists is a stress test. Jesus Christ, I don't need to jerk off an e-meter to know I'm stressed, okay?!

To think Bush wanted to turn Medicare and Medicaid into investment-based programs as well. And to think McCain supported it all. Why is no one mentioning this? Where do these guys think all this money's going to come from? I guess that's what happens when you marry a beer heiress, and own more houses than you can count (literally!) The money just seems to come from somewhere.

LET'S IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT

Neil Young was on Charlie Rose the other night, and as Courtney Love might characterize him, he was "Cherry Koo Koo Bannanoos, that's hot stylee," talking about his perpetual-motion car machine. Apparently it runs on a compressed air engine, which magically keeps filling up.

While he's not investigating Flying Carpet technology, the old bastard's still stirring up shit with his music, in a way that Rihanna and Miley Cyrus and all the other current firebrand social commentators have failed to do. He took over the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young reunion 2 summers ago and turned it into a protest party with rousing sing-alongs like "Let's Impeach the President."

Apparently half the audience booed and flipped the bird and walked out. Jesus Christ, they tried to impeach Clinton for inappropriately extinguishing his cigar (ow!), but you can't even suggest to impeach Bush for-- um, where do we start?

How come it's only an old guy doing this stuff? Where's that loumouthed midget from the Dixie Chicks? We love short loudmouth bitches, but can't we do better than the Dixie Chicks?

Come on peeps! You won't have the Bush Assministration to kick around much longer. I would say they're a punchline just waiting for a joke, but I forgot it's not funny.

Nicole Bengiveno/The New York Times

BUSH PLAY

Finally Bush is doing what he should have been doing the last seven years....according to huffingtonpost.com:

US News and World Report printed a short piece about GOP fears that the President's relevance is shrinking beyond already dismal levels. Some of President Bush's allies tell the Political Bulletin they are embarrassed and angry that the White House seems to be wasting Bush's time on frivolous events when much of the country is suffering through economic hard times. "Look at the schedule for Monday," says an outside Bush adviser. "A highlight of his day was witnessing a tee ball game. ... He is being reduced to child's play."

Not sure why this is bad exactly. Embarrassed? Why, perhaps he's starting over. Look at him, reading about America with his little playmate. See the wonder in his face? He's learning about the Constitution, the Geneva Conventions, Executive Order...Dick who?

Go here for a great news report on his stellar reign and his important work now that he's on the last leg (ha!) of his presidency.

NECKING BUSH

Bush necks with Iowa City Mayor Regenia Bailey

President Bush, surveying the aftermath of devastating floods during a lightning-quick tour of the Midwest on Thursday, assured residents and rescuers alike that he is listening to their concerns and understands their exhaustion. Note Secretary of Homeland Security John Waters in the background.

Is this all Bush does these days-- tries to make amends, or atone for his horrible tenure? Sorry Bushie! A quick kiss won't make us forget Katrina!

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

RECOUNT

Anyone see "Recount?" Shit, those were the good old days, when the worst your president would do is something you dream about all day long. Yeah, that's right, I know you wanna stick your cigar up some pussy, just own that shit. Now the bar's been raised and now you gotta go out and murder thousands of innocent people if you want to keep up. Shit, times really are tough.

Okay, so the movie was boring as shit, although factually accurate, except Laura Dern wasn't wearing enough fucking Mary Kay. I wouldn't be surprised if Katherine Haggis had her own little pink Mary Kay car to cruise around in. She didn't get to be Governor, but she always got a foot in the door at MK.com

Yeah, those were the days. Remember the dangling chad dress? A fucking sensation. Or it would have been, if I ever made it. The whole thing was over before I could get a patent. But shit, they never got those machines fixed in Florida so I guess there's time before November. Yeah, I'll get right on it.

Remember people didn't give a shit who won, because they said the candidates were basically the same? Oh, ha hahaha hahaha hahahahh HAHAHAHAH!! Yeah, I'm sure if Bush had lost, he would have won an Oscar and a Noble Peace Prize for his humanitarian work. Although Bush leaving the White House and never ever again working for the "public good" would be the greatest humanitarian achievement of the 21st Century.

On the plus side of Gore losing, Joe Losermann would have been a viable presidential candidate. We can thank the Supreme Court for that, at least.

BUSH NAMED DICTATOR FOR LIFE IN ALBANIA

Even if he doesn't accept, he has a standing invitation at the Neverland ranch in Dubai.

LET'S DRINK--

--to moderation! Has Bush finally given up his fanatical anti-drinking stance? Is this why he's decided to "seriously consider" a plan to cut greenhouse gases?

BUSH MASSAGES

--a muscular foreign policy, but not Chancellor Merkel, on his recent Summit visit.