NO, ENDORSE ME!!!

Wilshire & Washington reports that both Obama and McCain have reached out to Angelina for an endorsement. But she has not made up her sexy ass yet:

"I have not decided on a candidate. I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world."

Actually I never hear any of the candidates talk about any of that stuff, so I don't know what she's waiting for. I heard that she'd contributed to the Edwards sex campaign. Now, that's her kind of man! Too bad he's out. But hey, McCain, things are looking up for you, you left your kids and crippled wife for a fresh new heiress.

Angelina loves that! Ooooo, she's such an evil homewrecker!

THE DRUCK REPORT

Still can't get my youtube links to work, so you'll have to click here to view one of Rielle Hunter's videos she produced for the Edwards campaign. The former Lisa Druck was paid $100,000+, got a free trip to Africa, and got to sleep with the boss and the aide. Oh, and one free baby!

The videos-- amateurish, boring, self-indulgent-- the criticims have already been levied. Still, there are some funny bits (at Edwards' expense-- hey, he's paying all the bills!). Edwards criticizes the board of Walmart for being "multi-millionaires," then quickly corrects himself-- "not that there's anything wrong with that."

The second cutest guy in the room, Josh, of indeterminate employment, wonders how to fill out "job description" on his visa to China. Since he's always sitting next to Edwards, he suggests "travel companion," then "bitch," both of which are rejected by John. He's already got his travel companion/bitch, and she's holding the camera!

Edwards then relays an anecdote about his 6-year old, who says getting tennis shoes from WalMart is bad. Daddy says the kid doesn't like WalMart because of the way they treat their workers, but you just know the kid is old enough to realize only poor people buy shoes at WalMart. Their shoe department is called "bobos."

Oh, figured it out! Here's the video:

WEEPISODES

“I think this President has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter. It is breathtaking to me the level to which that disrespect has risen.”

--John Edwards on Clinton.

Ho hum. Moral indignation never sounds good, and always come backs to bite off your balls. Of course, Edwards isn't to blame, but the culture that equates "success" with "rock star" --

"I grew up as a small-town boy in North Carolina, came from nothing, worked very hard, dreamed that I could do something helpful for other people with my life, became a lawyer, through a lot of work and success I got some acclaim as a lawyer. People were telling me you're such a great person, such a great lawyer. There's no telling what you'll do.

"Then I went from being a young senator to being considered for vice president, running for president ... becoming a national public figure, all of which fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe you can do whatever you want, you're invincible and there will be no consequences. And nothing could be further from the truth."

"There will be no consequences" -- ie, you'll get away with it. But let's not moralize, okay? Let's just marvel at the ability of the human mind-- how an otherwise sane person running for president could have an affair while his wife is battling cancer, and still think he could get away with it? Again, not moralizing, but I probably won't be channeling a John Edwards vibe when I'm making important life-altering/life-wrecking decisions in my own life.

PRETTYRNITY SUIT

Or, the Edwards Affhair.

Now that John Edwards has finally admitted his liaison with Rielle Hunter (while his wife was battling cancer-- although it was in remission-- "how thoughtful of you to wait, honey!"), the issue turns to the father of Hunter's son, born in February. Edwards claims that a former campaign aide, Andrew Young, was the father of the baby. What, the slut just jumps on the campaign bus and starts humping her way to the back? It was reported in the Enquirer that, in an attempt to hush the two up, both Hunter and Young have been put up in multi-million dollar homes. Something smells fishy!

Edwards says he'll do whatever it takes to prove he's not the father. DNA test? Sure. But the true test for Edwards offspring would normally be the comb-and-mirror test. Put little baby Doe (still don't know the name) in front of a mirror with a comb and hairspray, and see him go to town. This test, unfortunately, has been complicated by the inferior hairstyling gene of the mother. Check out that hair-don't! It's called the "Tousled Salad."

Back to the DNA test then-- both should test positive for a full "aquanet" strand.

Here's the Youtube video-- can't seem to get it to post

BALL BREAKER

What a surprise. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd has been reviewed by Media Matters for America who found that throughout the 2007-2008 campaign season, Dowd did what she did best, "played with gender roles," consistently referring to Hillary Clinton in masculine terms, while feminizing Clinton's opponents, Senator Edwards, and especially Senator Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee. In contrast, Dowd left the Republican field untouched, although she did refer to presumptive Republican nominee John McCain as "a tough guy."

But if Clinton had won the nomination, perhaps McCain, too, would have been reduced to a girly-man. Dowd only called Edwards and Obama "sister" and "girl" in contrast to Hillary, because, unlike Dowd herself, Hillary doesn't purse her lips and shake her hair in front of her eyes like a sexy pussycat; therefore, Hillary must be a man, so much so that any man is reduced to a girl in comparison.

Dowd suggests she's "twisting gender stereotypes," but really, it's the same old stereotype to call a ambitious woman a "man," and an anti-war Democrat a "girl." Dowd seems to have lost steam since Clinton dropped out of the race; maybe she'll have to start playing with racial stereotypes to maintain her "transgressive" edge.

Photo courtesy Gawker

SURVIVOR: NEW HAMPSHIRE

I think Kucinich and Gravel should be kicked off the dais after tonight's episode. Gravel was so far away from the others, he might as well have been in a soundproof booth.

Why wasn't Kucinich criticized for his all the earmarks he's appropriated? Just look at them ears! And when did he marry Jerry Hall?

Why does Gravel seem to hate the other democrats?

Why is Edwards so tanned?

Why isn't Biden a bigger contender?