TENDER PINK

She's like Alanis Morissette or Avril Lavigne (Canada makes bitches!) who are slotted into the punk woman-power man-hating bitch-stars with their hits "You Ought'a Know" and "Sk8ter Boy" and now "So What" --but really the songs aren't about female empowerment, they're really just raging-against-the-man-because-the-man-screwed -you-over songs, and what's more loserly than that? Get over it.

And you have to feel bad for Alanis. I mean, it was revealed she wrote "You Ought'a Know" about being dumped by Dave Coulier from "Full House" -- imagine how she feels about getting dumped by Ryan Reynolds for Scarlett Johnassen? Ouch! Where's the big hit about that one, Alanis? Get that big old butt off the cookie wagon and get angry, beyotch!

And I know Avril's song isn't about being dumped by the guy, but she takes such pleasure that the ballet-girl passed over the sk8ater boi so she, Avril, could be the one to acknowledge his greatness/give him approbation. I mean, if she gets all her own approbation from pumping up the guy/dumping on the girl, don't you think she's setting herself up to get shit on? Yeah, so punk, so do-it-yourself.

The Pink (or P!nk, how Pun&!) video is weird because she obviously acknowledges the guy (her husband) hurt her, and that she really isn't all "so what" about the whole thing. If she really having "more fun?" It's all the manufactured, record-company-exec's-idea-of-fun-- Pink smashing a guitar, Pink chainsawing a tree. Methinks the Pinks doth protest too much. Plus it's really gross her ex-husband appears in the video with his ugly greasy Pete Wentz-beaver-tail-with-skunk-streak hair-do. Jesus Christ, it's the public relations stunt Madonna would have pulled if Guy Ritchie didn't hate her guts.

EXTREME(LY) SEXY

On her recent, and much commented-on, email acquaintance with Obama:

"It seemed to me to be like a product of extreme sexism, and I kept thinking to myself, 'God, if this was just, like, Kal Penn or George Clooney or any of the other (Obama) surrogates or supporters … there wouldn't be (any) question about it. Nobody would even talk about it…I was merely trying to express my delight at Obama's commitment to his campaign in every aspect and his interest and his support (in) his surrogates and his staff and his fellows, and how wonderful and refreshing that is. And it was manipulated into such an unfortunate media frenzy of kind of a nonstory."

Our correspondent notes: "Extreme sexism? Thank god Hillary never experienced any of that."

TELL ME, WHO ARE YOU THIS TIME?

Here's Scarlett as viewed through our Peephole. Watch your back, Scarlett. We see you. We don't tolerate any tweenie idol worship here. Barack is no Jonas Bros--I'm sure his balls have dropped by now. If, instead, we had been outside your door, we might have overheard your squeals of delight upon receiving those loving emails from Barack. Unfortunately, it was all in your head, the same place where the sound of your voice singing Tom Waits is acceptable.

She recently told Politico, "You'd imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly 'on' - how can he return these personal emails? But he does, and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them." Well, Barack 'threw her under the bus' (as politicos love to say these days):

Speaking to reporters aboard his campaign plane, Obama said the actress doesn't have his personal email address. "She sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me," Obama said, referring to his 26-year-old personal assistant, Reggie Love. "I write saying, 'thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,' and suddenly we have this email relationship."

Ouch. I think Michelle has something to do with this. Scarlett looms large above the Soon-Yi/Woody marital bed-- you know Michelle doesn't want any competition in that arena. And what is that thing Scarlett does anyway? Is it this? --


Come on, don't be mad, turn around...I'm sorry I said that. We DO have an email relationship. We DO!

[photos courtesy ATCO Records and the film Lost in Translation]