BLACK WONDER

Oh, I love that. Of course the little black girl is the villain, and you just know the little nelly boy is wearing star-spangled panties under his jeans.

re: Beyoncé wants to lasso the role of Wonder Woman.

Maybe she can play Nubia, Wonder Woman's black sister? Back in the 70's, when Gloria Steinam complained that first, Wonder Woman had been stripped of her powers (as Diana Prince, she wore mod clothes, owned a hippie boutique, and went on adventures with her blind kung fu mentor, I-Ching-- yeah, what the fuck?), and second, that Paradise Island was not exactly a diverse place, the editors at DC Comics complied, putting Wonder Woman back into her star-spangled underoos, and giving Wonder Woman a black sister named, with perfect political incorrectness, "Nubia." For those of you who know anything about Black history, that's the equivalent of calling a white woman "Aryana."

But don't be messing with my Wonder Bitch. I know we have a black president, but would we ever have a black Superman? James Cameron, of Titanic fame, proposed a Wonder Woman movie back in the 90's about a black Amazon who sails from Africa to the shores of America. Oh, what a perfect interpretation! That's like the millionaire basketball player who dons cape and cowl at night to protect the skies of Harlem as Blackman! I mean Batman!

You can make the craptastic "Catwoman," where Halle Berry dons ripped up leather pants and talks to crazy cat ladies about being a reincarnation of Cleopatra or somesuchshit, you can have an "Elektra," where the feisty Greek assassiness is played by the beige-and-boring Jennifer Garner-- but don't mess with Wonder Woman. The last time we saw such bad casting, the blond Cathy Lee Crosby from "Real People" donned a "Evil Kinevil" jumpsuit and used her bracelets and lasso as a grappling hook in the "Wonder Woman" movie from 1974-- remember that? Gee, I wonder why not?