BLACK WONDER

Oh, I love that. Of course the little black girl is the villain, and you just know the little nelly boy is wearing star-spangled panties under his jeans.

re: Beyoncé wants to lasso the role of Wonder Woman.

Maybe she can play Nubia, Wonder Woman's black sister? Back in the 70's, when Gloria Steinam complained that first, Wonder Woman had been stripped of her powers (as Diana Prince, she wore mod clothes, owned a hippie boutique, and went on adventures with her blind kung fu mentor, I-Ching-- yeah, what the fuck?), and second, that Paradise Island was not exactly a diverse place, the editors at DC Comics complied, putting Wonder Woman back into her star-spangled underoos, and giving Wonder Woman a black sister named, with perfect political incorrectness, "Nubia." For those of you who know anything about Black history, that's the equivalent of calling a white woman "Aryana."

But don't be messing with my Wonder Bitch. I know we have a black president, but would we ever have a black Superman? James Cameron, of Titanic fame, proposed a Wonder Woman movie back in the 90's about a black Amazon who sails from Africa to the shores of America. Oh, what a perfect interpretation! That's like the millionaire basketball player who dons cape and cowl at night to protect the skies of Harlem as Blackman! I mean Batman!

You can make the craptastic "Catwoman," where Halle Berry dons ripped up leather pants and talks to crazy cat ladies about being a reincarnation of Cleopatra or somesuchshit, you can have an "Elektra," where the feisty Greek assassiness is played by the beige-and-boring Jennifer Garner-- but don't mess with Wonder Woman. The last time we saw such bad casting, the blond Cathy Lee Crosby from "Real People" donned a "Evil Kinevil" jumpsuit and used her bracelets and lasso as a grappling hook in the "Wonder Woman" movie from 1974-- remember that? Gee, I wonder why not?

ZAP! POW!

Sarah Palin as the new Wonder Woman? What Republican dreamer thinks that's possible? None other than Wonder Woman herself, Lynda Carter, has come out fightin' against that newest evil-do'er to hit the scene, The Lipstick'ed Pitbull:

Don’t get me started. She’s the anti-Wonder Woman. She’s judgmental and dictatorial, telling people how they’ve got to live their lives. And a superior religious self-righteousness … that’s just not what Wonder Woman is about. Hillary Clinton is a lot more like Wonder Woman than Mrs. Palin. She did it all, didn’t she?

No one has the right to dictate, particularly in this country, to force your own personal views upon the populace — religious views. I think that is suppressive, oppressive, and anti-American. We are the loyal opposition. That’s the whole point of this country: freedom of speech, personal rights, personal freedom. Nor would Wonder Woman be the person to tell people how to live their lives. Worry about your own life! Worry about your own family! Don’t be telling me what I want to do with mine.

I like John McCain. But this woman — it’s anathema to me what she stands for. I think America should be very afraid. Very afraid. Separation of church and state is the one thing the creators of the Constitution did agree on — that it wasn’t to be a religious government. People should feel free to speak their minds about religion but not dictate it or put it into law.

What I don’t understand, honestly, is how anyone can even begin to say they know the mind of God. Who do they think they are? I think that’s ridiculous. I know what God is in my life. Now I am sure that she’s not all just that. But it’s enough to me. It’s enough for me to have a visceral reaction. And it makes me mad.

People need to speak up. Doesn’t mean that I’m godless. Doesn’t mean that I am a murderer. What I hate is this demonization of everybody but one position. You’re un-American because you’re against the war. It’s such bullshit. Fear. It’s really such a finite way of thinking about God to think that your measley little mind can know the mind of God. It’s a very little God that way. I think that God’s bigger. I don’t presume to know his mind. Or her mind.

You're still a Wonder, Lynda!

FOXY NEWS

This slutty beauty above is Megan Fox, girlfriend to Brian Austin-Greene (yes, David from 90210), the former Wonder Woman hopeful who's currently filming the Transformers sequel. I don't know what to say because I don't know how somebody gets that good looking.

Well apparently Ms Fox is too fat. She must gain 10lbs for her new role, as Fox News reports:

“I should have toned up for 'Transformers' but I’m really lazy. I had to put on weight,” she told Pop Tarts. “I’d lost a lot of weight and got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on size for 'Transformers' because Michael [Bay, the director] doesn’t like skinny girls. . .so now I eat red-velvet cake before I go to bed every night.”

Red-velvet cake and pop tarts! Uggh.

photo courtesy: evilbeetgossip.com