BUSH NAMED DICTATOR FOR LIFE IN ALBANIA

Even if he doesn't accept, he has a standing invitation at the Neverland ranch in Dubai.

LET'S DRINK--

--to moderation! Has Bush finally given up his fanatical anti-drinking stance? Is this why he's decided to "seriously consider" a plan to cut greenhouse gases?

BUSH MASSAGES

--a muscular foreign policy, but not Chancellor Merkel, on his recent Summit visit.

SURVIVOR: NEW HAMPSHIRE

I think Kucinich and Gravel should be kicked off the dais after tonight's episode. Gravel was so far away from the others, he might as well have been in a soundproof booth.

Why wasn't Kucinich criticized for his all the earmarks he's appropriated? Just look at them ears! And when did he marry Jerry Hall?

Why does Gravel seem to hate the other democrats?

Why is Edwards so tanned?

Why isn't Biden a bigger contender?

TRICKY DICKS

Okay, so Bill did it. Newt did it. Delay did it. Newt and his cronies halted the government to investigate whether Bill was doing it while Newt himself was doing it. Delay says he did it, but he's not as bad as Newt because Newt was doing it while investigating it. Bill doesn't care who else is doing it, only that he's not allowed to do it. At least for the next 18 months.

Delay says he's repented his sins with Jesus. So what do you have to do to get forgiveness in this town? Do you have to say you've repented, otherwise we can assume it's still a blot on your consciousness? Judgments are only necessary for those running for president, otherwise Bill, the future first husband, would get his condemnation as well.

How about-- everyone's forgiven? How about we move onto more pressing matters, like the US soldiers and innocent Iraqis getting killed in the Middle East?

TEENS OF THE U.S.A.

Why do people talk about Lindsay Lohan as though she's setting a bad example to our youth? Isn't binge drinking rampant on college campuses in America? No other country in the world has such overdrinking problems amongst young adults. What is it about America that frowns upon, as well as encourages, such reckless behaviour?

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW--

--is not another 23-year old mother, especially such a talented one. Amy Winehouse has told Rolling Stone:

"I've done a record I'm really proud of and that's about it. I'm a caretaker and I want to enjoy myself and spend time with my husband. Blake and I didn't get to spend any time together for a long time. I don't want to be ungrateful. I know I'm talented, but I wasn't put here to sing. I was put here to be a wife and a mom and look after my family."

We prefer Angelina (as reported in Marie Claire):

Zahara: "I need a cookie, Mommy."

Angelina: "You don't need a cookie."

Zahara: "Yes I do because Daddy will cry if I don't."

This is the woman who called her newborn daughter "a blob." Perhaps if more mothers weren't afraid of speaking their thoughts, and not giving into their children's emotional blackmail, our country wouldn't be full of such emotionally stunted, unsatisfied, self-indulgent monsters.