CIVILIZATION AND MY DISCONTENTS

"People would think I'd have enough money, but I do have a very expensive, or comparatively expensive, divorce. I feel angry sometimes. But my anger is not so much about sharing the property but having to go on working hard to provide alimony for someone who's already going to have at least 10 million dollars' worth of property. In my 70th year I will still be spending two months a year doing work that is of no interest to me and which is probably slightly spiritually depleting in order to feed the beast."

I'm not a big Monty Python fan because I get bored of it easily, but I've always secretly liked John Cleese. Ironically, he reminds me of my beast, my psychiatrist, who used to spray me with torturous questions without looking at me, in a dry condescending tone, never laughing at my nervous jokes before he'd finally dole out the happy pills. His 70s Bob Newhart office, brown slacks with blue socks and Birkenstocks, and quite often, a schizophrenic or two outside the door talking to themselves, will always warm my heart. God, I was so scared of him. Being the borderline I am, loving the beast is my problem, fear/inferiority mixed with lust is my downfall. Anyway, Cleese reminds me of him and so when I read the above I was annoyed that if his ex-wife can get 10 million out of him, he must have at least double that or more anyway, so what's he crying about. And then I was sad that he had to work at age 70 to pay her. And then I was annoyed again because fuck, like I don't have a fucking spiritually depleting job too and nowhere near 10 million dollars, hardly able to buy groceries, vodka. And then I was sort of hot for him for marrying a psychiatrist, my ultimate fantasy. Alice Faye Eichelberger, his ex, is the author of How to Manage Your Mother: Understanding the Most Difficult, Complicated, and Fascinating Relationship in Your Life. And, she studied at the The Hampstead Clinic with Anna Freud. All that FREE probing on a daily basis. I guess he's paying for the freebies and his transference sins now. Beautiful therapists will shrink your balls eventually.