Scientology wooing Winehouse?
Okay, so the headline says it all-- the Scientology chapter in London gave Amy a call to help pry the pipe from that crack on her face called a mouth. Could it be possible that Tom Cooze will personally see to her rehabilitation? He'll take her aboard his own personal orbiting spaceship (so as to keep paparazzi away-- mosquitoes can't fly to space, can they?), where he has personally helped hundreds of people kick their drug additions. (Note to self; edit above, replace "person" with "alien.")
Oh, Tom-Tom is such a great guy! So selflessly and unbraggartly giving. For, as we learn from the L. Ron Hubbard Scientology Code of Honor, "Don't desire to be liked or admired." Who, Tom? No, not Tom, so shy and retiring, so unshowy when it comes to good deeds. He knows he doesn't need to impress us Earthlings by scooping up little boys getting crushed against the velvet ropes in his red-carpet high-fivin' line; by helping old men off the sidewalk and looking concerned as the shutterbugs snap away.
No, he doesn't need to be showy with his good deeds, he knows his kind acts and accomplishments and great box office receipts are being added to a list and checked off twice to be read aloud at his E-meter roast in the sky when he finally steps through those pearly gates and into the space dock and is greeted, once more and at last, by his admiring creator, L Ron, all raise thy anal probes in obeisance, Earthen pus-sacs. Hail.
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