I have got to get me some religion. Finally, an excuse for acting the way I do! I searched my heart, and God told me the best way to proceed, and it just happened to correspond with my own greedy needs. Hallelujah! It worked for W, it seems to work for the nasty cross-wearing, Jesus-bumperstickered Hispanics in my neighbourhood who regularly spit and curse at the pasty white folks who've recently moved in from the city-- it seems their version of "love thy neighbour" comes with certain caveats.
What Would Jesus Do? Whatever the hell he pleases! He's Jesus Christ, for Chrissake. He's a fucking rock star. He doesn't trash the hotel room, he sends it hurtling into the fucking sun.
I don't mean to sound like the Moral Majority, but things really start to go to hell when people remove the idea of sacrifice from their religion (and life during wartime, but that's another topic). There's a great piece in "Talk of the Town" about Kabbalah, that other religion so hot amongst the pious and saintly of Holywoodland. It seems the version of Kabbalah so popular amongst Madonna and those she's strong-armed to accept it-- Guy Ritchie, A-Rod, the backsliding Britney-- is more about self-realization, and less about ascetiscim and self-denial.
I am crushed! You mean Madonna isn't actually qualified for sainthood, or whatever the hell the Kabballics confer upon their holiest? And here I thought I only had to spend more time in the gym and marry a stupid young stud like Demi Moore did to start my spiritual ascension.
Gotta keep trying. There's got to be a silver bullet so I can deflect all criticism and fulfill all my craven needs without having to work that hard. Maybe Landmark?
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