READ MY FACE

Heidi, why the long face? And Spencer, why the short-and-squat face? You're young, you're beautiful, you've just had a fairytale wedding. You remember that fairytale, where the gremlin marries the talking horse?

What would a Physiognomist say about their faces? Physiognomy is the study of faces to determine character. We'll have to do a little study to determine what a face twice as long as it is wide, and a face twice as wide as it is long (the highlighted pubes on his chin don't count) reveal about the stunning, fabulous inner lives of these two fascinating creatures.

LESS TO LOVE

Jennifer Love-Hewitt wants to become a glowstick. She's fit and trim and glows from within. She works out five days a week and is really pumped about her pushups! I thought she was talking about a bra, and for the first time in my life, I was disappointed to not be reading about a bra.

In speaking of what excites her, motivates her, really drives her in her upcoming spate of no-prospects-for-work, she notes that "the plank pose is very inspiring – where you're up on your elbows and your legs are out, and it's just your stomach holding your body up. Very cool."

"The better you are in your mind, body and spirit; in lipstick, hairspray and accessories, the better everything goes for you in your life," she added.