Showing posts with label Ryan Reynolds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ryan Reynolds. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

TENDER PINK


I feel sorry for Pink. That's just my way of saying I can't stand her BUT I don't want to be so down on the bitches all the time. She's got anger and energy but she's also just a fucking commodity for the record company-- isn't she smart enough to see that?

She's like Alanis Morissette or Avril Lavigne (Canada makes bitches!) who are slotted into the punk woman-power man-hating bitch-stars with their hits "You Ought'a Know" and "Sk8ter Boy" and now "So What" --but really the songs aren't about female empowerment, they're really just raging-against-the-man-because-the-man-screwed -you-over songs, and what's more loserly than that? Get over it.

And you have to feel bad for Alanis. I mean, it was revealed she wrote "You Ought'a Know" about being dumped by Dave Coulier from "Full House" -- imagine how she feels about getting dumped by Ryan Reynolds for Scarlett Johnassen? Ouch! Where's the big hit about that one, Alanis? Get that big old butt off the cookie wagon and get angry, beyotch!

And I know Avril's song isn't about being dumped by the guy, but she takes such pleasure that the ballet-girl passed over the sk8ater boi so she, Avril, could be the one to acknowledge his greatness/give him approbation. I mean, if she gets all her own approbation from pumping up the guy/dumping on the girl, don't you think she's setting herself up to get shit on? Yeah, so punk, so do-it-yourself.

The Pink (or P!nk, how Pun&!) video is weird because she obviously acknowledges the guy (her husband) hurt her, and that she really isn't all "so what" about the whole thing. If she really having "more fun?" It's all the manufactured, record-company-exec's-idea-of-fun-- Pink smashing a guitar, Pink chainsawing a tree. Methinks the Pinks doth protest too much. Plus it's really gross her ex-husband appears in the video with his ugly greasy Pete Wentz-beaver-tail-with-skunk-streak hair-do. Jesus Christ, it's the public relations stunt Madonna would have pulled if Guy Ritchie didn't hate her guts.

Monday, August 18, 2008

HEARTBREAK PRESCRIPTION FROM DR. COOKIE



Big Hair? What about big butt? What the hell happened to Alanis?

Jesus Christ, girl must really be in the dumps after breaking up with Ryan Reynolds-- either that, or she's so pissed at him she threw out all her Reynolds Wrap, and now insists on finishing everything on her plate. No leftovers for Alanis! She'll finish everything on your plate too.

Watch out, Ryan, your day of infamy is coming, like Dave Coulier's in "You Ought'a Know." It's the Alanis curse-- she writes an angry, bitter litany of your faults, and the song goes on the great fame, while your fame diminishes! Diminishing returns!

Look out for Alanis' new hip-hop/pop cross-over hit (sung at the piano, of course), "Reynolds Rap."