TENDER PINK

She's like Alanis Morissette or Avril Lavigne (Canada makes bitches!) who are slotted into the punk woman-power man-hating bitch-stars with their hits "You Ought'a Know" and "Sk8ter Boy" and now "So What" --but really the songs aren't about female empowerment, they're really just raging-against-the-man-because-the-man-screwed -you-over songs, and what's more loserly than that? Get over it.

And you have to feel bad for Alanis. I mean, it was revealed she wrote "You Ought'a Know" about being dumped by Dave Coulier from "Full House" -- imagine how she feels about getting dumped by Ryan Reynolds for Scarlett Johnassen? Ouch! Where's the big hit about that one, Alanis? Get that big old butt off the cookie wagon and get angry, beyotch!

And I know Avril's song isn't about being dumped by the guy, but she takes such pleasure that the ballet-girl passed over the sk8ater boi so she, Avril, could be the one to acknowledge his greatness/give him approbation. I mean, if she gets all her own approbation from pumping up the guy/dumping on the girl, don't you think she's setting herself up to get shit on? Yeah, so punk, so do-it-yourself.

The Pink (or P!nk, how Pun&!) video is weird because she obviously acknowledges the guy (her husband) hurt her, and that she really isn't all "so what" about the whole thing. If she really having "more fun?" It's all the manufactured, record-company-exec's-idea-of-fun-- Pink smashing a guitar, Pink chainsawing a tree. Methinks the Pinks doth protest too much. Plus it's really gross her ex-husband appears in the video with his ugly greasy Pete Wentz-beaver-tail-with-skunk-streak hair-do. Jesus Christ, it's the public relations stunt Madonna would have pulled if Guy Ritchie didn't hate her guts.

SEEING PINK (ELEPHANTS)

Didn't Pink used to have pink hair? Now she's got a pink face and white hair. Maybe she should have stayed with the rosé tint, because otherwise, she's got a very bland face. Now, I'm not for people "jazzing" up their dull faces with crazy coloured hair or shit-in-the-face or a big crazy hat, but in Pink's case, anything that distracts from her blobby visage might be helpful.

That's Pink above, just in case you confuse her with Eddie Izzard, below.

Here's the latest quote from Pink:

"I checked into Canyon Ranch in Tucson, Arizona, in the summer and I went to see a therapist, telling him I was an alcoholic. He asked me when I'd had my last drink and I couldn't remember - it had been a few weeks previously. I then read the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) manual cover to cover and we talked. I realized I wasn't an alcoholic, just someone who likes to get drunk every now and again. I'm trying to work out if that's a bad thing."

Oh, how wonderful to be able to check one's self in to a clinic, on the inkling that one has a problem. And how wonderful to find one doesn't have a problem after all-- although one does have a new album to promote, and one has a lack of talent, and a need to inject one's self into the public consciousness.

Or, to have a public forum to discuss all my problems or imagined problems or inklings of problems. For instance, I would love to go to a spa and read a book (or manual, or whatever) and talk to a therapist about my deathly aversion to work, and have the therapist say, "so work, or don't work, what's the problem?" And then to work out for myself whether that's a bad thing.

Looking at that picture again, she kind of looks like a white Rihanna. Except uglee.