BREAKING NEWS!!! NEW RIELLE HUNTER MOTION PICTURE

THE DRUCK REPORT

Still can't get my youtube links to work, so you'll have to click here to view one of Rielle Hunter's videos she produced for the Edwards campaign. The former Lisa Druck was paid $100,000+, got a free trip to Africa, and got to sleep with the boss and the aide. Oh, and one free baby!

The videos-- amateurish, boring, self-indulgent-- the criticims have already been levied. Still, there are some funny bits (at Edwards' expense-- hey, he's paying all the bills!). Edwards criticizes the board of Walmart for being "multi-millionaires," then quickly corrects himself-- "not that there's anything wrong with that."

The second cutest guy in the room, Josh, of indeterminate employment, wonders how to fill out "job description" on his visa to China. Since he's always sitting next to Edwards, he suggests "travel companion," then "bitch," both of which are rejected by John. He's already got his travel companion/bitch, and she's holding the camera!

Edwards then relays an anecdote about his 6-year old, who says getting tennis shoes from WalMart is bad. Daddy says the kid doesn't like WalMart because of the way they treat their workers, but you just know the kid is old enough to realize only poor people buy shoes at WalMart. Their shoe department is called "bobos."

Oh, figured it out! Here's the video:

WEEPISODES

“I think this President has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter. It is breathtaking to me the level to which that disrespect has risen.”

--John Edwards on Clinton.

Ho hum. Moral indignation never sounds good, and always come backs to bite off your balls. Of course, Edwards isn't to blame, but the culture that equates "success" with "rock star" --

"I grew up as a small-town boy in North Carolina, came from nothing, worked very hard, dreamed that I could do something helpful for other people with my life, became a lawyer, through a lot of work and success I got some acclaim as a lawyer. People were telling me you're such a great person, such a great lawyer. There's no telling what you'll do.

"Then I went from being a young senator to being considered for vice president, running for president ... becoming a national public figure, all of which fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe you can do whatever you want, you're invincible and there will be no consequences. And nothing could be further from the truth."

"There will be no consequences" -- ie, you'll get away with it. But let's not moralize, okay? Let's just marvel at the ability of the human mind-- how an otherwise sane person running for president could have an affair while his wife is battling cancer, and still think he could get away with it? Again, not moralizing, but I probably won't be channeling a John Edwards vibe when I'm making important life-altering/life-wrecking decisions in my own life.

PRETTYRNITY SUIT

Or, the Edwards Affhair.

Now that John Edwards has finally admitted his liaison with Rielle Hunter (while his wife was battling cancer-- although it was in remission-- "how thoughtful of you to wait, honey!"), the issue turns to the father of Hunter's son, born in February. Edwards claims that a former campaign aide, Andrew Young, was the father of the baby. What, the slut just jumps on the campaign bus and starts humping her way to the back? It was reported in the Enquirer that, in an attempt to hush the two up, both Hunter and Young have been put up in multi-million dollar homes. Something smells fishy!

Edwards says he'll do whatever it takes to prove he's not the father. DNA test? Sure. But the true test for Edwards offspring would normally be the comb-and-mirror test. Put little baby Doe (still don't know the name) in front of a mirror with a comb and hairspray, and see him go to town. This test, unfortunately, has been complicated by the inferior hairstyling gene of the mother. Check out that hair-don't! It's called the "Tousled Salad."

Back to the DNA test then-- both should test positive for a full "aquanet" strand.

Here's the Youtube video-- can't seem to get it to post