LAYING PIPE BOMBS

Wowza. Fucking Fair and Fucking Balanced! And Fucking Strange. . .what's going on here? Fox News is now dipping into the Obama pool of fame. I guess they've decided he's going to win.

You know, I was born in Israel and listened to my father talk about it my entire life, in and out of consciousness (my consciousness) and I can't even begin to understand all the intricacies of middle-eastern politics, so this is especially hilarious for me. Joe the Plumber talking about Israel whilst knowing absolutely nothing about it. Why would he agree to the interview? Actions speak louder than words, Joe.

I hear now that ol' Joe's coming out with a country album; 12 all- new, re-tooled, unlicensed versions of the David Wilcox classic 'Wacking Wacked Out Sarah With My Pipe'.

I put the pipe in
I pull it out again
My back is so sore
I can't work much more
I can't get my traction
The ground's too wet
I take a ten minute break
Ah smoke a cigarette
I don't mind the night shift
The cool breeze when the sun goes down
Winter time the ground is hard
Take twice as long to drill down

I'm layin' pipe All night long
Layin' pipe I'm working so hard
I'm layin' pipe All night long
Layin' pipe To satisfy that woman

(real lyrics for 'Laying Pipe')

UNFAIR AND UNBALANCED

What a fucking bitch. "Fox news it always fair and balanced" God, makes me sick. Just watch her talking over him when it's his turn. The Fox "newscasters" are robots. They're like every successful person, the boss you hate with no human emotion, no empathy, no manners!

Fake criticisms. She's the one being sarcastic yet she throws the criticism first so she can be like a pre-schooler, "called it!" Like that makes you fireproof. How do you win against such pushy liars? That's why Republicans tend to win, they're more willing to be monsters, winning monsters, and everyone wants to be a monster I mean a winner.

FOXY NEWS

This slutty beauty above is Megan Fox, girlfriend to Brian Austin-Greene (yes, David from 90210), the former Wonder Woman hopeful who's currently filming the Transformers sequel. I don't know what to say because I don't know how somebody gets that good looking.

Well apparently Ms Fox is too fat. She must gain 10lbs for her new role, as Fox News reports:

“I should have toned up for 'Transformers' but I’m really lazy. I had to put on weight,” she told Pop Tarts. “I’d lost a lot of weight and got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on size for 'Transformers' because Michael [Bay, the director] doesn’t like skinny girls. . .so now I eat red-velvet cake before I go to bed every night.”

Red-velvet cake and pop tarts! Uggh.

photo courtesy: evilbeetgossip.com