IN OTHER NEWS

Okay, while you're getting your outrage in a know over VP Ken Doll's alleged love child, or hoping to peep some Danskin camel toe or a wayward ball squeezed from a tight speedo, it's been reported that Russia has declared war on Georgia, with military planes dropping bombs on the capital. Now, before you're worried about your peach cobbler for the Labour Day picnic, this Georgia is in Eastern Europe, where Smelting Day is celebrated at barbecues over the Leaky Reactors national disaster site. And don't forget to try grandma Booshka's famous cabbage cobbler for dessert! Be sure to check for hairs before you take the first bite.

Jesus Christ, people are dying in wars every day. Remember that, the next time you're complaining about the service at the drive-thru for White Castle (otherwise known as "Wipe Asshole") or bitching about your husband's pee on the toilet seat. Some people have real problems, and some people have problems they make up because there's nothing else to bitch about. We maintain our indulgent lifestyle under the rubric "if we give up our freedoms, change the way we live, the terrorists win." The downside-- the terrorists would only have to take away our air conditioning, or screw with our internet connection, and we'd surrender immediately!


Photo: Dimitar Dilkoff/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images