BAD DATE

re: Officers tried to cover up attack.

Okay, so what does that look like up there? We know dicks are guns, dicks are missiles, dicks are swords (just to get medieval on your ass); I've just never seen the weapon so, um, lifelike. I mean dildo-like.

Sounds like my last date: a little treesmoking, a little conversation, then ooo, out comes retractable Mister Billy club and get down to business! Okay, that was my last date except without the trees. And I didn't get to meet Billy.

A piercing artist in Brooklyn was smoking maryjane on the street when he was approached by three officers who began questioning him. The piercer threw the maryjane to the curb and hightailed it out of there, running down the street and into a subway entrance. The officers caught him next to the ticket booth, threw him down on the floor, and sodomized him with a retractable Billy club. I mean, it was the middle of the day. There were people around. There are security cameras. How did they think they'd get away with it?

I'm so thrilled with the little break downs people have in public. Like, "I know there are people around, but I'm just so into what I'm doing that I don't care! It's just you and me and our own little world!" It's just like being in love.

I've been scouring these news items to get down to the brass tacks, I mean down to the bone, I mean I need details! Did the officer rip the guy's pants off? The lawyer for the complainant said he had a "gashed anus." Gross. I mean, really. They must've ripped the guys pants and boxers right off his pierced little body. What I want to know-- how come these guys are so hot to see another guy's cute little butt? And even more, his, um, you know. I know it's getting harder to recruit police officers these days, but don't they have some kind of screening process? Like, multiple choice:

A suspected felon gives chase. You apprehend said suspected felon, then you:

a) handcuff him
b) read him his rights
c) throw him face down to the ground, forcibly strip off his underthings, locate his hiney-hole and pierce with closest available weapon.

Okay, I know your answer, and that's why you're not cops! Or shouldn't be!