PISTOL-PACKIN' MOMMA

From Harper's Bazaar:

And after shocking claims she took her oldest tot Maddox to a gun shop recently, the actress says she won’t wrap her kids in cotton wool.

‘Listen, my kids play video games. I let them play with toy soldiers. We don’t take war and violence lightly, but we don’t hide it from anybody. We say, ‘Mommy and Daddy have movies where we play these characters, but there’s real death and violence in the world.’

Okay, next she's going to be dangling Maddox off a balcony or above a crocodile, and driving with Fort Knox in the back without a car seat. Somebody call children's services! Now, perhaps those accusations wouldn't be enough to have her children seized, so you should say something like you saw her hitting them or forcing them to sit in a bathtub under a faucet turned to hot. Not enough can be done to save our children, and I need everyone to help in this endeavour.