ALL MY SEXY SONS

So who did we spot strolling across 3rd Avenue at 13th street in the East Village the other night, but sweet little Katie Holmes, remember, from Dawson's Creek? She was carrying an adorable alien baby up against her chest as a human shield, with a twitchy bald guy coming up her rear. The twitchy bald guy was coming up Tommy's rear later that evening.

Still, it's sloppy seconds compared to the slab of hot man love Katie shares her stage with every night at the Schoenfeld Theater. Is that why Katie needs the baby for defense? After the stage lights have gone down and the fumes of the greasepaint have calmed Katie's nerves, she can finally face the L'ilest Hitler of all waiting back at the hotel suite, ready to fling his little arms and kick his little legs in a jealous rage because it is she, and not He, that shares the same air as sexy Christian what's-his-face (above).

"Give me your hands!" he screams, rubbing her digits over his mouth and nose. "I don't smell balls!" he rages, "I told you to touch his balls! And did you get his Jockeys? Where are the Jockeys? Goddam it, what do I pay you for?"